Hello, I'm collecting for Ninjas. Could you possibly spare a shuriken or two? It's for a good cause... Yes, three old fighting games have got together, reminisced and re-released themselves in one box.

You play one of two brothers who, while out walking, get attacked by thousands of unrealistic people for no apparent reason whatsoever. You punch, kick and lipstick your way out of the problem, only to be confronted by more aggressors.

Colourful graphics, poor collision detection, girls with whips and just-visible breasts. It's all here. You just have to wait to see it. It takes ages to progress because you have to whack each baddie a great many times before he eventually lies down and admits that death is finally inevitable. Double Dragon isn't particularly good, but it looks attractive though it sounds pretty strange. The ridiculous characters are a scream.

Here you must stealthily beat up several hundred shouting men with a dustbin. Tall order, eh? The idea is that you're avenging something, so you must make your way to the mystical right-hand-side-of-the-screen, killing everybody in the process.

The graphics are faster than Double Dragon, but are more flickery and not as substantial. There are the traditional range of ninja moves, all of which are being practised in schoolyards across Sussex as we speak.

The pace is commendable in Shadow Warriors. There's no hanging around. It's chop, kick, thump and bleed in a non-stop frenzy of life-losing. Hmm. Yes, the pace. That's the best thing about this game.

Rescue President Ron, using your special ninja skills? Why should you? Er, well, you can have a box of Quality Street if you do.

That's the plot. Dragon Ninja is the fastest and most furious of the three games. Coachloads of men, all dressed in blue Anneka Rice-style boiler suits rush on and die when you kick them. Sometimes, men wearing red boiler suits come on. They die as well.

All this is quick and fairly smooth. But curiously, it doesn't have any atmosphere. It's just a sort of damage-limiting exercise. You know you're going to die, but take out as many of the Rice-fans as you can. Waggle the joystick, batter the Fire button and ignore the death of your soul as you try to get through to the next level.

Overall, the Ninja Collection is a selection of three pretty similar games. They're all averagely terrible, but they're very fast, brightly coloured and involve plenty of violent killing. The only reason you should but it is if you need that quick, colourful death gap in your life filled.

1. All three games are of the same format. Forget variety. Double Dragon is the best looking, Dragon Ninja is the fastest and Shadow Warriors is the one - er, most called Shadow Warriors.