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This game offends me on two counts, not only has its advertising campaign been puerile and sexist, but it is pigist. The game, you see, concerns pigs and the packaging makes a number of Oink! style unfunny puns at their expense which I think is in extremely pork taste.

Psycho Pigs UXB is, in fact, a conversion of an obscure Jaleco coin-op which I'm not sure has ever appeared in this country. [Adopts pompous Simon Bates voice] I saw it in Japan last year at the coin-op fair and took a perverse enjoyment from playing it. It's stupid, has minimalist graphics and dour sound. Good idea for a conversion really.

The idea is ridiculously simple. You control a pig and on each screen you're surrounded by a group of other pigs chucking bombs around. It's your job to stay alive ('save your bacon' geddit?) and clear the screen. You do this by lobbing bombs at them. The bombs are of the classic comic book variety (round) and each has a number which denotes the length of the fuse. Once you throw one it starts counting down before it explodes. A direct hit causes an instant explosion whilst some explode without being touched.

After certain levels you get a bonus screen in which you have to snog lady pigs as they pop up and down from holes in the ground. Occasionally you'll be able to pick up items left around the place such as rice balls (!) which help you run faster and sweet potatoes which give a 1,000 point bonus. Very oriental.

Graphics on the original, as I said, were pretty minimal, so converting these to the C64 wasn't too much of a strain for Software Developments. They're used to doing games with basic graphics, they did Bubble Bobble, a classic example of a great conversion. Psycho Pigs UXB isn't really in that league, because it's simply not as good a game. It's silly, basically which is alright, but for how long I'm sure.