Previous Next

Get ready to have a really puzzled expression on your face, the first level of Sly Spy is just too silly for words. I can't draw cartoons though, so words it'll have to be. The screen shows sky (you can tell it's sky because it's blue and full of clouds). A character in a tuxedo falls downwards in a stupid manner, before levelling out into a prone position. This is you. A few other dudes in more sensible skywear also fall stupidly downwards. These are the baddies. It's a free-falling shoot-out. Hurrah (not)!

There's little chance of the enemies actually hitting you with a bullet, (un)fortunately, so you simply have to pop up and down into their line and pick them off. The real challenge is to see if you can finish this and get on to the (slightly more sensible) later levels without falling to the floor in hysterics and wetting yourself at the sheer idiocy of it all.

The games does get a bit better later on, with the action thankfully ground-based. As well as on-foot action, there's also the prospect of some motorbike combat and more.

The whole thing is still terribly slow though, the sprites are too big and the bad guys are too easy to pick off. And also it's all so clumsily stupid and stupidly clumsy.

A percentage score tells part of the story, but often it's better to include a daft analogy too, so with that in mind, here's a daft analogy: I would far rather stick my head into a bucket of warm porridge than ever play Sly Spy again. And I don't like porridge.