As soon as I discovered that you play a hero called Ham Burger, I knew this was going to be a meaty adventure; a game to get your teeth into; not one for the wimpy player; food for thought... but I was wrong!

The game starts with the news that your Uncle Cheez (yes, he's a Cheez Burger!) has bequeathed you his old house, Carfax Abbey. Unfortunately, the house is located just southeast of Salom's Lot (do they mean Salem's Lot?). To further add to your worries, your uncle died in mysterious circumstances! But you're young and reckless, so you decide to go for a butcher's (probably the wrong word to use in the circumstances).

A text-input adventure, Ooze overwhelmes you with prose: descriptions of not less than eight or nine lines, and sometimes more than a screen full, sit there waiting to be read... it's too much! For example, at the start of the adventure six lines are used just to describe how you dig in your pocket for the door key, can't find it, panic, then suddenly you do find it, panic, then suddenly you do find it and feel relieved. The authors try far too hard to create an atmosphere.

Thankfully, you can choose Brief description but you still have to suffer tedious text on your first visit to locations.

The main problem with Ooze is its translation from German to English. It looks to be a straight interpretation which would have been better rewritten. Here's the response I got when I tried to go west from the first location: "Do you honestly believe that I didn't mind the stresses and strains that Ive had to put up with so far? Do you? Really? If so there is nothing more I can do for you. OK, I'll go right inside in order to have a thorough look. We can always leave if we want then. Well? Is it OK?" Eh, no, it isn't.

All these idiosyncrasies may be amusing to begin with but more serious flaws lurk within the shadowy halls of Carfax Abbey - inputting 'Pop' produces the response: "Unfortunately I can't see a pale here" - and you begin to wonder if there's any chance of actually finishing the game or whether other skulking mistakes will prevent you.

The intro-music and in-game sound effects are quite good. Also welcome is the fact that you get some sort of response to most commands. Function keys are allocated verbs such as Examine, Look and so on and you may customise them with your own words if you wish.

Ooze will probably do very well in Germany (if it already hasn't) but as I don't Sprechen zie Deutsch (and English translation is so bad) it does nothing for me.