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Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...

A long time ago, a little elf from Audiogenic arrived in Computertown with news of a Great New Program. He brought with him a magical Demo Disk which loaded into a Commodore 64 and brought pictures of unsurpassed beauty to the screen. If we were very good boys, said the little elf, we might one day be allowed to play this Fabulous Game for ourselves.

And we were very good boys for many months. And the little elf returned with the Fabulous Game, all ready to play. And it was a complete flop.

In the first stage, the players collected objects as Alice fell down a shaft. Then they walked around collecting more objects, changing Alice's size to get her through big doors and little doors.

In the second stage they jumped Alice up and down, helping her to catch butterflies and rocking-horses.

In the third stage they helped her across a chessboard - with the greatest of difficulty. In the fourth stage they knocked balls about the screen.

The scenes of unsurpassed beauty were still there. But so what? What was the point of running around collecting keys to go through doors?

What was so exciting about jumping up and catching rocking horses? Why was there no strategic interest whatsoever in the chess board sequence? Why was control so difficult in the croquet game?

All very good questions, dear reader, but I'm afraid neither I nor the little elf know the answers.

Perhaps some wicked fairy put a curse on the programmer after he designed the brilliant opening sequence. Or perhaps it was all a curious dream...