Welcome to our humble grave yard. We trust you'll be happy here. Please enjoy your stay.

It's a dog's life...

He said it'd be an easy job... Some old geezer of some top-notch pizza parlour franchise dropped last week...

World famous 'e said, called the business something like "turban pizza".. "tortoise"... pizz.. or.. er... "turbo", or something like that...

Anyhow... that's not important - thing is, 'e was rich... Like really rich... Or at least, that was the story he sold to me...

"So we're here to dig up the old man?", says I.

"Nah, it's his dog we want", says he.

"You wot?!?..."

"...had it buried with him, he did..."

"So?..."

"...meant a lot to 'im, it did..."

"So?!..."

"..so... he 'ad it stuffed, didn't 'e... "...

"..And?..."

"..big thing it was, bloody great golden retriever..."

"You mental or wot?!??... F**k the dog! I'm off for pizza... ... ..you com'in, or wot?"

"Nah!... You don't get it, do you??!?!", says he, all excited like...

"Wots t' get?!?!... It's Oct 31st, pissing down with rain, dark, and you got me hauling this f**king gear through some god-forsaken cemetery?!?!?... Wot is this?... Some f**ked up version of a treasure hunt??!?!"

"..YESSSSSS!!!!", 'e says, as bold as brass, with eyes glinting strangely in the full moon.

"Ya mental!", says I, turning to leave.

And then he said it, those fateful words that got me hooked in this fix...

"...dog's made of gold..."

[Silence]

"Er...w..wot?!?... ya wot?! Say that again???"

"You 'eard me... Dog's made of gold... The old fart had it encased, he did... in 24 carat gold!"

"You kidding me?"

"Nah! It's real, it is... everyone knows of it... He loved that Fee-Fee..."

"Fee-Fee?!?!? What the f**k is Fee-Fee...?!"

"That's its name, that is! World famous and much loved celebrity dog was Fee-Fee! Well, among those Masonic toffs running the business, anyway..."

"Well, couldn't have been that 'loved' now, could he? I mean they stuffed the poor bastard and buried 'im down there, like!"

"Well, we're 'ere to give ol' Fee-Fee a proper send off... Show 'im a bit more 'appreciation' like.Not much love being shown to 'im down-under like, is there..?"

"AAAaaahhhhh!... I see!!!"

So, with spades in hand, and visions of smelting down ol' Fee-Fee into high-end jewellery, (lovingly 'appreciated' - of course), we set out, searching for the tomb. After some time in silence, punctuated by the occasional grunt of hauling gear, I asks me mate what Tomb we're lookin' for.

"Dunno,", he says, all casual-like.

"Dunno? Wot you mean, dunno?! Ya mental?! This ain't the f**king council digging up water pipes 'ere - we gotta get job done - tonight!"

"'Old ya horses.. It's no problem... We know 'e died recent like, and 'e was rich... Just look for some big phallic looking tomb dated 2013 what's fit for a toff... Can't be that 'ard to spot - I mean look at the competition..."

He was right, of course. We were standing amidst the most sorry-looking graves imaginable, just past some religious sign uttering tripe about "lost souls" or sumin'

"Found it!" says I.

I plunged the spade deep into the earth without a second thought.

And that was all it took... Me mate never even saw it coming...

As the ground shook and the mottled hands broke free from the ground, grasping around us, I barely heard his muffled screams, as his mouth filled with the dirt, his bones were heard to snap as his body was dragged rapidly through the quickly-displacing soil below...

I was standing on a stone plaque when it happened, as the ground around me turned into a wild heaving ocean of living soil, and then I heard it. The first of the "Requests".

"Serve us!... Serve us, quickly!... Serve us, well... and by dawn, you might again walk amongst the living..."

I stared at the collapsed monuments around me...

"F**king earth quake?!?!" I thought, picking myself off the stone steps of the tomb, half-dazed.

Me mate was a gonna, I knew that, but even so, I couldn't help but study the tomb before me and ask if this was the one - I still had a job to do...

Phallic like (check),
Pricey looking (check),
Fit for a toff (double check),
Recent date for deceased... er... Hmmm... AD 213

"F**k!... I got the wrong f**king tomb!!!..."

I never was good with numbers...

As I glanced at my feet, I realised there was more to read, more that I should have read, and more to those voices than a mere concussion could explain:

"Fearsome in Life,
Unstoppable in Death,
Here lies the incorruptible remains of the Tyrant-Mage
Simon Magnus Opus,
A Witch of Unspeakable power,
Vanquished by the Godly
In The Year of Our Lord,
AD 213."

As I read through the lines, my vision blurred, and through a series of trippy visions, I was made to understand the full horror of my predicament.

The buggers beneath were "damned" - Lost souls who failed their rites, oaths and vows... Souls with unfinished business... "Business", which now became my "business"...

It had all started so well, with me hoping to dig up some gold-plated mutt. Now I'm their bitch... running errands in some dead-beat McJob, fetching pipe & slippers for a bunch of stiffs. Who's the "Golden" boy now, eh?

Help our hero stay alive until day break, by appeasing the Lost Souls with gifts and any objects they demand.

As each grave opens, the souls within make their requests known. Fetch and deliver the requested objects and the grave will seal. Wait too long and the grave may release one of its many unhappy denizens to taunt you. Successfully complete all the errands to move up through the levels and get one step closer to the gates that exit the cemetery... Fail, and you risk being doomed to stay, forever running errands for all eternity, in a closed loop of inescapable time... Join the damned, or serve them - that is your choice...

Around the grave yard are scattered all the objects demanded, but collecting them may prove a challenge. Our hero can only carry one object at a time. Some objects require the use of other objects before the can be collected (eg: The Magic Wand opens sealed doors), and some objects come in parts (eg: Relic Coins). On every level, you should avoid the many wandering denziens, whose contact will impede our heroes' errand quest.

The consequences of denizen contact varies, from the harmless stealing of objects, to the poisoning of blood that leaves your hero stunned, blinded, or wandering and confused. All contact is generally discouraged, except in two instances:

In the first, if a player waits long enough, a demon is summoned. As demons crave power more than anything else, the gift of the Magic wand will earn your hero more respect - but only if you can reach him before he leaves the grave yard altogether...

In the second, the Damned may release an ectoplasmic electro-static discharge that may agitate the normally peaceful graves around you. Ground this willo-the-wisp quickly and you might save yourself some hassle...

Serve them and you'll live,
Serve them well, and you may gain much much more...

Now how can one resist a deal with the Devil like that, huh?

1. Essentially, this is a memory game. After a few games, you should be able to anticipate which requests appear where.
2. Requests "often" appear furthest from the object desired.
3. Idle hands do the devils work - ensure that your hands are always carrying something, and you can shorten your response time.
4. If the grave being visited does not request the object your holding, try visiting another, before ditching the object for another item.
5. Learn quickly which of denizens are most harmful, and prioritise which to avoid, from those that are tolerable on contact.
6. When all the graves are sealed, serving demons, and allowing willo-wisps to open more, may be the only way to progress further.
7. Don't be afraid to curse, weep or generally break down. It's a hard game - we'll understand... Humility is a good thing...
8. For those who can't accept failure and frustration while playing this, check out your local psych ward - we have a pill for that.

You can use redefinable keys or Kempston joystick.

This game is 128k compatible only.

Select the "Tape Loader" option (usually the top option). Then press ENTER to load.

Code: Climacus
Graphics: Radastan & Climacus
Sound Effects: KgMcNeil & Shiru
Testers: Jordi Bayó (Hark0) y Javier Pérez

Those of you with a taste for cheesy horror films may recognise many of the in-game musical scores.

Below is a list of the musical scores, gathered from public domain Midi sites, converted using AutoSiril: