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"Expect the unexpected," they said. "Be prepared for all manner of motley monsters, itinerant chamois leather cloths, small-minded fungi, belligerent turtle crofters and bloody minded sky writers." But this, this, this was what they gave me? Andy Hutchinson passes out artistically from the strain...

Much longness ago there was a super game called Wizball. It came out shortly after Sam Tramiel had shooed the ST out of the lab and onto the shelves of Comet. It was a stonking game which was fast, fun, addictive and ten quid. Wizkid is the long (long) awaited sequel and it features Mr Ball's son, Wizkid.

Mr and Mrs Wizball have been captured and taken off to an island. Wizkid - being a caring '90s kind of chap - would obviously like to rescue his folks, so he decides to get to the island. Unfortunately, however, he's going to need the services of some cats who can row him over the sea. All of which goes to prove that programmers are mad, sad and largely strange chaps who should seek medical help as soon as possible.

Wizkid is a platform-cum-puzzle game set over nine levels or worlds. Each world has a different set of puzzle objectives based on a frenzied collect-'em-up where the sole purpose is to get as much dosh as you can. To get dosh you need to bash creatures over the head with the objects that litter the screen. For example, on Level Two you find yourself lobbing TVs at penguins.

Occasionally, after you've boshed a creature, a collectable item appears, such as a power-up or a colour pot. Each colour pot you collect goes towards filling in a bar of music at the top of the screen. If you complete the tune, you finish the level. Finish the level and you can move on to the puzzle section where you can spend your money buying objects to release a cat.

Not really, the shop/puzzle screens are when the game gets really weird. Here, the idea is to spend the money you accrued on the collect-'em-up screens on fancy goods. Don't expect a huge choice of potential purchases - there are usually six options, one of which is invariably a hidden screen.

Nope, what you can buy are objects like carrots on sticks, can openers, newspapers and red-tint specs, although there's usually a humble token or star on display as well. These lovely goods can then be used to try and reveal the cat who is hidden somewhere on the screen.

As you wander around the puzzle screen, an icon labelled "clue" blinks on and off in the top right corner on the screen. The odds are that you're near a clue and should stop jumping around and press Fire. An inventory of the goods you're carrying around appears and, if you've got the right one, a new section of the puzzle screen opens up. If you haven't got the right item, it's back to exploring the screen. If, however, you don't have enough dosh, you've got to get back to the collect-'em-up section for some more penguin-bashing.

Solve all the puzzles and your reward is a lovely tabby cat. Grab it quick and you can depart for the next island. To complete the entire game you've got to better the game worlds Sunset Wizovard, Ahoy Wiz Maties, Mount Wizimanjaro, Elementree My Dear Wizkid, Ghost of Wizkid Past, Wizkid and the Wizball Mystery, Wizkid goes to the Circus, Wizkid meets Dog Girl and Jailhouse Wizkid. Not easy.

Courgettes. Or to put it another way, strange, strange, strange, compulsive, strange. Yes, indeedy, Jeff Minter's games look positively sane compared to this. In fact, it's so odd a brand new genre needs to invented just to pigeon-hole it properly. So, henceforth let the world know of Wizkid as the ever cat-'em-up. Hurrah!

Gameplay is what counts in any game, and Wizkid, it must be said, has oodles of it. It's difficult to get bored - one minute you're lobbing packets of peanuts at penguins and the next you're bouncing boulders off duck's heads. More to the point, there's a lot of skill involved in controlling little Wizkid. Learning how to bounce objects off walls and onto the creatures is fairly instinctive and helped by the power-ups which appear. These completely alter the gameplay - so getting the right kind of colour or power-up comes down to skill rather than luck.

Because of the weirdness of Wizkid, the scene changes every couple of minutes, and there are plenty of subgames thrown in for good measure. Wizkid lends himself to some truly peculiar uses. One minute he's bashing his head on the rocks, the next he's a spaceship violently shooting at waves of aliens, then he's riding around on the back of a donkey.

The game is fast moving and (shock, horror) actually requires a modicum of intelligence from the player. The graphics are bright, wacky and massively intrusive while sprite movement is slick and fast. All this adds up to a good-looking, fun game which you can play all the way to end and then still load up on the occasional whim for a quick blast. In closing, thanks go to Lionel Lump for supplying the mastic asphalt spreader.

1. Utterly mad and extremely original game.
2. Addictive, well executed gameplay with stonking graphics.
3. Bags of lasting interest - addictive until completion and addictive thereafter.
4. A truly '90s kind of game, crammed full of childish bottom humour and schoolboy japes.
5. Definitely one for the collection!