The knee-jerk reaction to UEFA Champions League 2004-2005 was to rig up these pages to blare "Awooga! Awooga!" This would neatly illustrate the cash-in alarm ringing in our heads and be far more effective than a page of words, leaving us free to nip out for an early lunch. But our mothers always told us to try and look on the bright side of things, and sure enough, there's such an unexpected and shiny new side to this title that its closest relative, FIFA 2005, might have trouble recognising it on the street.

But hang on, what's with the newness? It surprised us, but it's damn encouraging to see a giant like EA taking risks and trying out some new moves. And the new mode is actually quite good - based around a Champions League campaign, The Season works out more like a manager-sim that a straight football game. First choose your side from the predictably mah-husive gathering of leagues - including the Premiership and fourteen others - plus a few selected clubs from different locations. FIFA gives us this every year, but let's not take that for granted, eh? What's on offer is impressive - over 200 officially licensed teams, likenesses and stadiums stuffed into one. Line up your chosen eleven and you're then able to create your own manager, right down to his preferred style of thinning grey hair. Once you're settled into your dugout though, things get very different.

Before each game you'll receive an email from the club's Roman Abramovich-like owner. He'll set parameters for you to achieve - like scoring with a certain player or keeping a clean sheet - and then reward or berate you depending on the final result. It's not just matches he wants to influence though, and after losing two pre-season matches in a row, our ambitious benefactor sent us to the transfer market with orders to sell the old dogs and buy in some new talent. Then he set up a friendly tournament with some overseas clubs to show off his new expensive toys, demanding that we put on a world-class display - or face the consequences.

Being given such specific goals for each encounter is an experience unlike your usual kickabout, and encourages you to play far more tactically and thoughtfully, instead of just pass, pass, shoot. Mocked up newspapers give a wider perspective on your performance, from successful transfers to shaky away performances. And when you know you've got to perform to keep your job, it certainly keeps you on your toes - you begin to wonder why Jose Mourinho doesn't look more stressed, and how Ipswich's Joe Royle manages to sleep at all. For a title that didn't have to make the effort, this radical departure from the mainstream action is as inspiring as it is sad. Sad, because every silver lining has an ugly cloud grumbling beneath it. And at grassroots level, UEFA Champions League 2004-2005 is just FIFA 2005-lite.

Anyone caught admiring the visuals should really get themselves to an optician. The main action is crippled by a lame black-bordered widescreen format and in the zoomed out view (the only possible way to construct an attack given the ludicrous lack of a radar), players are hardly recognisable from one another. Replays and intrusive 'TV shots' that pop up with irritating regularity look so ugly it's impossible to work out why the PS2 seems to be working so hard. Good Christ, must we see the exact same two players approaching a free kick every bleeding time? UEFA wears them myriad official badges and licensed baubles like six-inch deep make-up, when skin-deep it's about as appealing as a week-old corpse.

But it's not just the looks that repel - the action is just as bloated. Players make battleship turns and their manoeuvres feel woolly and unresponsive. A sense of momentum has been injected, but there's no sense of physical weight as players tussle, and there's no individuality or difference between each of the players. Admittedly, the opposition players are clever, overlapping and drawing out defenders, but it's almost impossible (and in no way satisfying) to do this yourself - strikers wait in the wings for you to call them up with the L2 'go on run' button - but why don't they jst go themselves?

UEFA Champions League is a heartbreaking and frustrating experience. With the expertly constructed 'story' style mode, this should have been a thumping 5-0 away victory, worthy of a big celebration. But instead it's an overpriced FIFA spin-off that stubbornly and consistently bangs goal after goal right into the back of its own net.

Graphics 60%
How did they make FIFA look so bad?

Sound 70%
Really great commentary. Rubbish crowds!

Gameplay 50%
Accessible but ultimately sluggish and dull.

Lifespan 70%
Plenty to do in Season mode.

Overall 60%
The work UEFA puts into creating a fresh new approach is blown away by the ham-fistedness of what really matters - the football.