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If you've ever wanted to see a classic example of the term 'hard sell' you would be well advised to take a look at the blurb on the packaging of Thexder, the latest release from Sierra via Activision. So much space is used up to tell you how the game 'offers more music, animation and gameplay that you ever thought possible from a computer game' that there's very little room left to tell you what the game is all about!

There's also the impressive claim that Thexder has sold half a million copies in Japan. However, when you realise that many average a million the claim falls flat.

Thexder is a robot and one day, for some inexplicable reason it has decided to risk its cybernetic limbs and circuitboard by venturing into a huge fortress inhabited by a variety of weird, but not necessarily wonderful, creatures. It's a case of Rolling Thunder meets Barbarian. Thexer runs from left to right through the futuristic complex, fighting off the hordes of nasties with his eyeball lasers (yes, they do fire out of his eyeballs!). The lasers lock onto their target automatically, so no targeting skill is needed. You do however need to be quick on the draw (blink?) to wipe them out as they're infuriatingly fast and deplete your energy level equally quickly should they touch you.

It won't be long before you come across downward pathways which, if you wish to explore, require you to transmute into an airborne jet fighter (yes, it's Decepticons and Autobots time) by hitting the SHIFT key. It's then possible to fly deeper into danger. The really nasty nasties soon appear and range from mutant jellyfish to rotating hamburgers, all of which can sap your energy in a few seconds, should you stray into them. If you can survive the meanies long enough, you can progress to the next level. And that, apart from the ability to shoot certain aliens to retrieve energy, is all there is to it. There are no real game objectives, apart from trying to get as far as you can into the complex. There aren't even any end-of-level guardians to fight. Coupled with the incredibly infuriating gameplay (watch in bewilderment as your energy drops from 100% to zero in less than three seconds) is what makes Thexder one of the least enjoyable and most tiresome Amiga games I've ever played.

Had the game possessed the amazing graphics and sound that the packaging continually promised, it might have been more exciting to play, but it fails to deliver in these departments as well. The alien sprites are minute and poorly defined, with only a few frames of animation (even Thexder himself hobbles as if he's suffering from multiple verrukas) whilst the backdrops, if you can call them that are basic and badly coloured with little variation from level to level.

There's no improvement sonically either. An awful Spectrumesque 'tune' grates throughout the entire proceedings, with the only alternative being the weak and sparsely used sound effects. To make matters worse, there's an abomination of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on the title screen. I can hear the great man himself turning in his grave as I write. If that wasn't enough to make you invest in a pair of earplugs, the speech will. It's in Japanese!

Sygernistic Software (the people responsible for the excellent Sidewinder) have done their best to convert this mediocre program to the Amiga, but after thirty minutes play you're left wondering why they ever bothers (if you're still awake). I suspect they were offered loadsayen. A shame really, as games such as Wizball and the incredible Interceptor show what the Amiga is capable of, so why we're still receiving drivel such as this when it's been made quite clear that Amiga owners want and deserve much better is beyond me. This won't sell half-a-dozen on the Amiga, let alone half a million!