Previous Next

Bart is eight. Bart has a serious skin problem. Bart incessantly mumbles about cows and shorts. Bart is a multi-millionaire megastar with fans the world over. None of these things apply to Ed Ricketts. But is Ed jealous of Bart? Does he care? Hell, yes.

Next time you see that friend (everyone has at least one) who's mad about The Simpsons - he's got the key ring, the T-shirt, the album, the condiment set, and so on - ask him if he's ever actually seen the darn thing. Then quietly exit as he/she makes his/her excuses.

The point is, The Simpsons have become legendary without most people actually knowing what the heck they are. Which means that Ocean can hardly fail with the Simps ST game, good or bad. So what's it all about?

The Simpsons, a family virtually ruled by its errant younger member Bart, live in yer everyday American smalltown, Springfield. You know the sort of thing: corner stones, signs with "Don't Walk" on them, and invading mutant aliens. These aliens are gradually taking over the people of Springfield while building their death machine which will destroy the world.

So far, so normal. The odd thing is that, for some reason, only Bart Simpson is able to stop these marauders.

Even odder is the way in which he does it. The aliens need to collect certain items for their machine: purple things, hats, balloons, power rods and exit signs. (Exit signs. Oh dear.) So, in each level it's Bart's job to collect, change or remove these items from various areas around Springfield to spoil the aliens' plans.

Thus, in Level One of this horizontally-scrolling arcade puzzle, equipped with a spray can, you should find 24 purple objects and turn them red. Some of them can just be sprayed, others prove more difficult to change. So, you need to use the objects you can find or buy to help you out. Coins tend to pop out of bushes when you jump on them (but then you knew that).

Changing the colour of objects is usually a matter of (a) working out how to reach them and then (b) timing the necessary movements to avoid any aliens who are in the way. Much ledge-clambering and acrobatic bounding is required, plus a sharp eye and a bit of brain power.

The aliens are actually a bit crap, because most of them just sit in the street or wherever and bounce up and down a bit. This does mean you have to be careful how you tread, though - you get three lives, but two chances at each life, so, er, that's six lives. Bear in mind the time limit, too - it seems long at first, but then, so did three hour exams before you realised your entire future depended on them.

Surprising thing number one: Bart Simpson looks like Bart Simpson. A very small Bart Simpson, but him nevertheless. He swaggers along with spray can poised and you just want to smash his smug face in - that's how faithful a recreation he is. The other Simpsons only put in a few guest appearances, so it's Bart's show. Other graphics are reasonable but not respiration-grasping, though they do keep to Matt Groening's weird style remarkably well. Sound is desperately, awfully, horribly bad, even by ST standards - an incredibly pathetically dreadful tune wibbles and warbles away in the background just as if it's been tacked on at the very last moment.

There are no samples at all and approximately three spot effects. It makes you want to weep, it really does.

The usual rule is - the bigger the licence, the worse the game. By that axiom, The Simpsons really ought to be the direst game which have ever been released. But it's not, really.

Neither is it the next Populous 2. It lies somewhere in that twilight zone of games, the stratum that's labelled "Hmmm. Okay really, I s'pose." In the pro corner, we have the puzzle elements. Some of them might be illogical but they do, at least, stop you slipping into a coma over yet another platform game. In the con corner, there are the not-very-exciting graphics, the small sprites, the eeeek! sound and the sheer frustration of some of the more mundane timing puzzles.

But all this doesn't matter; The Simpsons have conquered the world, and this is doubtless only the first of a long string of Simpsons conversions. Just in case anyone is interested, though, this one is better than it could have been.

1. A little like Elf in that it mixes arcade, platform and puzzle elements. Elf seemed somehow more vibrant, though.
2. Terminator 2 was just a convenient name upon which to hang a disappointing game. The Simpsons treats its subject matter with a little more care.
3. Like Robin Hood, it's quite an original way to do a licence that could have been much blander.