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Just when you thought you could hang up your gloves for good, along comes another young upstart, beggin' to go a few rounds with the champ who floored Barry McGuigan.

This weedy, incompetent contender hails from Tynesoft, and makes Frank Bruno look like... Frank Bruno. What's more, he's got a mouth on him the size of the Blackwall Tunnel. "Unique boxing simulation," he shouts. "Stretches your computer to the limits. Supersize sprites, superb animation and a touch of humour... A game not to be missed."

Jeez, even Ali wasn't so full of wind. Like, this guy is just asking for it. So, let's see what he's made of.

The Big K.O. is a sub-standard boxing sim and, like all the others, gives you a gang of opponents with funny names to compete against. These include Heap Big Nose (ha!), Groovy Man (ho, ho) and Cheap 'N Nasty (hee, hee, hee). When you've picked yourself up off the canvas after that rib-tickling, you can indulge in a pre-fight warm-up by choosing your own silly name.

Then you get the presentation: "In the left corner, Killer Scolding. Best punch, left to the head; second best..." and so on. Each boxer gets a rating: you're the 'Unknown Tom', Heap Big Nose is 'the pits', Strongman Joe is 'easy-peasy'. All this is accompanied by the soothing sound of waves breaking on a distant shore - the programmer's restrained attempt to capture the frenzied blood-lust of the ringside crowd.

These crazed spectators are nowhere to be seen in the fight sequence itself, the graphics being, er, somewhat sparse - just flat blue background, white canvas and ropes. The 'supersize sprites' are big, blocky and ugly, the 'superb animation' is laughable (perhaps that's the touch of humour?).

The bell rings, the two fighters wobble towards each other, and start throwing punches. There aren't very many to throw - you've only got a choice of four - and there are no dodge, duck or blocking moves. If the action gets too hot, all you can do is step out of reach. There are three rounds, and when the knock-out finally comes (if you don't win on points) it is spectacularly unexciting.

Then you get a tedious announcement about your performance, accompanied by a nauseous fanfare, and if you've won, you get the codeword which allows you to load the next boxer.

There is a two-player option, in which a friend can take on the character of Heap Big Nose, Strongman Joe or whoever, and the two of you can slug it out for as many bouts as you like. There are also options for switching off the sound, the presentation sequence, and the message which appear below the ring (which is supposed to represent heckling from the non-existent crowd). Selecting these options will remove most of the game's irritating features, and the rest can be eliminated by pulling the plug.

The Big K.O. is probably the very worst fight simulation yet to appear on the C64. If you still feel the urge to slip in the old tooth guard and pull on the leather mittens, then ransack your wardrobe for your battered copy of Frank Bruno's Boxing or indeed almost any of the other fight sims that you bought two years ago. This simply isn't a knockout.