First impressions last, and the initial feeling you get from Test Drive Off-Road: Wide Open is the same one you get when you chuck the pad to the floor soon after sobbing "Dear God... no more!"

Start button your way to the vehicle select screen and you meet a range of trucks seemingly modelled directly from ineptly constructed Blue Peter cereal box/loo roll projects. We've seen more polygons on a GCSE maths paper. But graphics aren't everything, let's jump to a single race on one of the massive areas available.

Oh. Threadbare terrain seemingly poached directly from an early PlayStation 2 game. But let's see how the thing handles - even Mega Trolley Dash would be a fabulous game if it handled well enough.

Oh. Off-road vehicles without, it would appear, any suspension. Railway tracks, grass, gravel - vehicles don't notice the difference as they carry on without even the slightest wobble. There's no sensation of driving an all-terrain, slope-eating, elephant-worrying mean machine. All you get is a dull vehicular experience with minimal reward.

Briefly, things do get better. But only a bit. Unlock the lengthier races and it begins to feel like a racing game. Land a daring jump, ride the wall-of-death round a canyon rim to gain a few seconds, glance back as the pack splits into risk-takers and safe straight-liners then floor it to the next checkpoint... it's almost fun.

Then you realise that the AI, even on Easy level, is set to 'Robotic Nazi'. Cars stick to their racing lines like tube trains, and if you come to blows with one of the oversized heaps, you always, always come off worse, pinballing off ledges while the computer car doesn't even skid.

Trackside objects arbitrarily either shatter with the slightest nudge or halt you dead in your tracks. And while the interior dirt tracks of the stadium mode make for far less frustrating races, it's not enough - anyone familiar with early PS2 title Smugglers Run will, literally, be in familiar territory. Test Drive Off-Road: Wide Open is exactly the same, only inexplicably worse.

Sure, you can drive anywhere over the sprawling terrain, but you won't want to. Sure the career mode opens up better vehicles, but faster isn't any more fun. This is a PS2 hand-me-down that's scruffier than a car boot sale teddy bear. Even the title is off-key - Off Road: Wide They Bother? is much better.

1. Some decent course design

1. Rubbish graphics
2. Incredibly annoying
3. Pump old game reheated
4. Zero control subtlety

Power
The thermostat on your central heating control has more processing power than this.

Style
Drab visuals are mandatory in the washed-out, vitality-free world of Test Drive: Off Road.

Immersion
The lack of vehicle/ground interaction will soon have total diesel-heads sucking a tailpipe.

Lifespan
Lots of vehicles and tracks. Lots of bad vehicles and tracks. Unlocking stuff is a waste of your life.

Summary
You've just treated yourself to an Xbox, you want to make it shine. Look elsewhere - you deserve far, far more than this.