There are some amazing games on Xbox. You can fight convincing aliens in beautiful environments. You can scream around circuits in the best motorbiking game ever. You can warp time in a mind-bending platform game starring a cat with a clever Hoover.

One thing you can't do yet, though, is have an enjoyable, awesome game of tennis.

This peeves us somewhat, actually. We're all rather partial to a spot of Virtua Tennis 2 on Dreamcast and see no reason why the Xbox can't have a game of similar stature. That's because there is no reason.

The galling truth is that every tennis game to enter the workings of our beloved console has fallen short of this lofty ideal. In fact, Slam Tennis aside, they've been offensively bad. Pro Tennis WTA Tour and Fila World Tour Tennis are the games in question. A combined score of 4.5 tells the story of those two stinkers.

This month it's the turn of Tennis Masters Series 2003. How does it fit into the litany of tennis tragedy? Is it up there with Slam or down there with WTA? Well, the person standing nearby watching the game as it was reviewed just said this: "This is toilet, this game." Then he walked off.

That very professional judgement sums it all up very nicely. But why is this game "toilet"? Much the same reason as the other poor tennis games, really - the fact that it's just so frustratingly unresponsive.

Briefly tapping a direction on the Left thumbstick makes your player walk for a few paces in that direction, rather than just take one step. Once started, this movement animation can't be stopped, so you have to wait until your player has finished walking before you can give any further instruction.

If you were unfortunate enough to tap him in the wrong direction, you've no chance of returning the ball. This is rubbish.

Other crapness? Well, on the default setting, you can make your serve (with one button press; we never served a single fault all the time we played, never mind a double), then go and mow the lawn, have a shower, pump up your bicycle tyres, then go back to the game and make your next shot. Tennis isn't slow, but this game certainly is. This, too, is rubbish. Still, the speed is something that can be rectified slightly by playing on Pro level or above - and if you have reactions faster than an anaesthetised sloth, you're a pro.

Being pro doesn't change the fact that players look like they're suffering from rickets. Their legs don't look right, even when waiting to receive a serve in a standing position. This too - you've guessed it - is rubbish.

One thing the game does have over its competitors is the range of shots you can play. You can put a decent amount of direction on your strokes, making rallies more strategic than the catastrophically stilted action of Pro WTA.

That is, of course, if a rally gets going. The different shots are markedly different, too, so there is a point to hitting a lob. But it doesn't change the fact you can't play a decent game of tennis. It's supposed to be a fast-paced sport, for goodness sake, you need to be able to move quickly and make decisions quickly. You can't with Tennis Masters, so what's the point?

We'll give you a clue - there is no point. We can't understand why no-one has managed to match Virtua Tennis 2 yet, and we suspect no-one will until the Sega folk themselves decide to crack their knuckles, sit at their development keyboard and deliver the third in the series.

It's a shame that we have to say such things, but the fact is you're currently a bit hamstrung if you want a top quality tennis title on your beloved Xbox. Slam Tennis is still the closest we've got.

Developers, take note. If you're making a tennis game that's not as least as good as ST, don't bother.

1. You can direct shots - a revelation

1. Unresponsive controls
2. Sluggish matches
3. Not like the sport
4. Please, mummy, make the nasty tennis game go away!

Power
There's nothing particularly impressive technically, but nothing truly bad, either.

Style
The players all have bandy legs and funny faces. The courts are nice though.

Immersion
You may become immersed in self-hatred for buying the game - so don't.

Lifespan
It's got 'back to the shop' written all over it due to the fundamentally flawed gameplay.

Summary
Another tedious tennis title with almost nothing to recommend. Please, Sega, give us Virtua Tennis 3.