You'd expect Star Trek: The Kobayashi Adventure - which is the first-ever adventure based on the apparently immortal TV series - to pack enough punch to beam up a ten ton truck. How could any programmer go wrong?

Well, author Diane E Duane has managed to do so with apparently very little effort. She must have had her head in a bucket when she took a shot at programming this dire effort - quite possibly the worst 'adventure' I've ever played, and that includes those 3.5K epics some nuts used to cram into a Vic.

The scenario (though it hardly matters) involves you taking the part of Captain Kirk in search of a missing starship. There is a single screen, relieved only by a couple of pull down-style panels that contain various responses. You give orders and grow old waiting for the replies.

There are a load of numbers along the bottom of the screen that are meant to look scientific but are just plain silly. In fact, the whole shooting match is an absolute abomination.

I'm told there are no plans to market it in the UK, for which we can only be truly grateful. Beam me up Scottie! - Scott Adams, that is.