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It has long been known that software houses will stoop to just about anything in pursuit of the proverbial buck, and a game like Samantha Fox Strip Poker just about typifies this sort of approach.

Take away the marketable name and you get a game of strip poker. Take away the kinkiness, which is simply a substitute for gambling, and you get poker. And as anyone who has ever played a few hands knows, poker without gambling is pointless. It's like doing the Australian pools for fun.

This brings us back to our Sam, the girl who'll do literally anything under the Sun. Page three model, popstar, celebrity and all round goodtime girl. I don't want to enter the great Sam debate because anyone who rides a tank into Wapping 'for a laugh' should get the contempt she deserves. So eyes down for a chance to see a few risque digitised pictures. Hang on while I put on my mac.

The game loads in about ten seconds flat, thus suggesting the amount of memory used in this complicated program. That, or the programmer's a genius.

You begin with a picture of sizzling Sam who's resorted to the old trick of wrapping up in a few extra layers and a hat and scarf. You are given a couple of hundred points to begin with and dealt five cards. A round of betting ensues and you then have the opportunity to draw new cards to make up your best possible hand. Another round of betting ensues and you finish off showing each other your hands with the result that you win or lose. If you win and get Sam down to zero she'll cast off a layer of clothing.

Unsurprisingly Sam's poker isn't too hot. In one hand I had three of a kind and felt confident. Sam changed one card, suggesting she was either going for a run or a flush, so how come when we turned over did she produce a hand that contained a jack, king, five, six and seven of different suits? A donkey could have played a hand better than that.

With a player of Sam's prowess it didn't take me long to make her get 'em off. Which can undoubtedly be the only appeal of this game.

Don't get too excited, lads. There's only about four layers and the final product (for this is all the girl has become) is pretty weak. You don't get to see much, knowworimean?

This isn't the first strip poker game on the C64. US Gold's one was a flop (haha) when it was released. So only Sam's name can save the game - another example of marketing for the sake of it.

Samantha Fox Strip Poker is pathetic. It's the intellectual equivalent of a smutty conversation in the gents and for those people out there who buy the Sun because they think it's a good paper. You'll certainly see better quality pictures of bigguns in it (nudge, nudge) which makes Martech's game pretty redundant.