Microsoft Word is a pretty powerful word processor, but has been dogged by a reputation for intractability. Microsoft has therefore revised it a couple of times, and sets its PR people to phoning up journalists telling them "the new version's much easier to use, you know."

The latest (the third, we think) version is called New Word 2, and is currently being advertised with the aid of a young lady in particular disc-slipping posture. If you haven't seen it you can get the flavour of it by hooking your toes over the top of a door-frame and hanging upside-down. Now touch your toes.

But there are even more gymnastics in the text. "The manual has been completely rewritten," it burbles. "Word operates even faster now."

So it looks like, after the odd false start, Microsoft could have got it right this time. But the company's got at least one thing wrong. 'New Word 2', says the ad. 'Right. First Time.'

Meanwhile in Japan, Fujitsu is looking a bit more like the Megagalactic Computer Corporation than it used to. The company has just launched the Facom VP-400, which is the biggest computer in the history of the universe.

It is capable of more than a billion calculations per second, which is the equivalent of 500 million Albert einsteins, and it runs at more than twice the speed of the previous biggest computer in the history of the universe (this itself had special ultra-fast electrons which moved at speeds equivalent to 3 million Sebastain Coes).

Of course the Fujitsu is pricey, costing £250,000 a month to rent. This in itself is equivalent to rearming Belgium's air force three times a year.

Warning - readers should note that we've made all of the above statistics up - but the computer is still incredibly fast and expensive.

Back in the land of lesser quantum leaps, QLUB News, the official magazine for lonely QL users, has just published the winners of its "What does QL stand for and will you write a limerick about the QL while you're at it?" competition. The entries, where they're intelligible, are almost uniformly sycophantic - understandable, considering the fact that Clive-fearing judges chose Quintessentially Lightfingered as the winner.

PCN liked Quarry Lust, but where was Queer Looking and Quiche Lorraine?

Sinclair itself is currently embattled, with journalists claiming huge share movements are taking place. Sinclair Research says 50 £10 shares isn't that huge compared to the total number.

Watch out Nicaragua. The Grid Compass, already loved by the US military as the sort of micro the best tank squadrons have, has just had a version approved by the US National Security Agency for transmission of classified data. "Agencies and military services which send personnel into the field (whose field? - writes our paranoia correspondent) or are involved in tactical C31 (we think that's something to do with confidential communications) applications should welcome the advent of a rugged portable computer with secure communications."

So now when the CIA parachutes someone into the jungle somewhere, he can phone home to his family and friends and be confident that his communications are impervious to Soviet satellite snoopers. Phone home? Hey, wait a minute...