The Margaret Thatcher School of Oratory has claimed a new victim. To spare her blushes we won't name the poor soul, but after her performance at Micro-Gen's launch of Pyjamarama she's clearly in need of sympathy, help and a month off.

The lady in question was holding forth on Micro-Gen's various offices. She called Ashford the brain centre and went on to describe Bracknell as "the heart of the matter". If Micro-Gen had an office in Basingstoke that would presumably be the armpit, but wait, she hadn't finished with Bracknell. Hand on heart, and slightly breathless (nerves, not exertion) she announced: "It's a window on the world..."

This will surprise many of Bracknell's inhabitants.

From little acorns do mighty oaks grow. Bill Hossack, general manager in Europe of the Computerland chain, was reminiscing last week about the early days of the organisation when it logged its orders on the back of an 80-column card. This year's projected turnover is $1.8 billion.

On the subject of acorns, it seems that there's a German expression whose relevance we're not quite sure of. Roughly translated, it says that even a blind pig finds an acorn every now and then.

PCN recently took a call from someone who desperately needed a circuit diagram for the Sinclair Spectrum. So what, you ask?

Well, this particular caller claimed to be from the British Army of the Rhine.

Since then our paranoia glands have been working overtime - are they keen on using them to control missiles? Is Clive's "one per desk" concept about to become "one per tank"? And is single-key entry liable to bring Armageddon nearer by the difference between P and POKE?

We wish we'd asked what he wanted it for now...