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...As I was saying Guv, I had that Trenton geezer in the back of me cab the other day. Lordy me, no conversation or what? All he'd talk about was that new game Ugh! Said it'd be right up my street. Gawd, you'd think it was good or something. So, where to, Mr Webb?

As names go, Ugh! is pretty daft. But as that's about all the human race was capable of saying at the point in time in which this game is set it had to be everybody's name. Still, that didn't stop Ugh, our hero, falling in love with Ugh, our heroine. Ugh wants to impress Ugh with his civilised approach to life, and so goes into business to prove his worth.

Curiously, the company Ugh sets up is a flying taxi service. And although the helicopter wasn't even invented until the 20th century [Don't forget old Leonardo's corkscrew for which he drew up the plans in the late 15th century - TMB] for the purposes of this game we are supposed to believe that he swoops around the early days of pre-history giving other Ughs lifts from cave to cave.

Ugh! is a transport test. In order to earn cash - although what young Ugh will spend it on isn't clear - he ferries people from cave to cave. They pop out from their doors and whistle - you know how to whistle don't you? - to summon Ugh to their level. He has to carefully land, pick them up and then fly them to the level of their choice.

Each ride has a maximum fare, which starts decreasing the second the punter steps in the cab. The amount remaining when you touch down at their destination is what you get paid so more money and points can be earned by reaching the target levels quickly. You even get tipped by the passengers for especially speedy journeys; this comes in the form of a points multiplier bonus.

Man, and especially Ugh, cannot live by bonus multipliers alone. He needs cherries, apples and rather neat-looking slices of watermelon to keep him going. Strangely there aren't any supermarkets around for him to buy fruit in (I told you there didn't seem to be much he could spend his money on!), so he has to hunt it out.

Fruit that can be picked from trees and bushes, however, seems to have been a fairly recent quirk of evolution. In prehistoric times, the only way to get it was by dropping a large rock on the tree in which it's hiding.

There are two problems involved in this process; dropping the rock on target and then collecting the fruit that jumps out before it disappears. If Ugh can nab it, though, it earns him massive fitness dividends.

Now being a cabby isn't all, "Gor blimey, Guv!" and appearances on Mastermind, especially in this day and age! For starters, folk had to build their caves wherever they could find them; so there's no apparent logic to the arrangement of houses. The result is an intricate network of caves that's artistically pleasing to look at but a nightmare to fly through.

Ugh can't just fly madly about because his wood and palm leaf helicopter is a real fragile bird. Too many hits on too many cave walls will send his whirlybird plummeting to its doom. So cautious flying has to practised at all times - an approach made even more necessary by your helicopter's tendency to kill customers; if you so much as clip one of your waiting passengers while landing, they tumble to the lake at the bottom of the screen.

Ughs are fragile folk and cannot swim that well - if at all. So any who are pushed into the pond will swiftly drown. Once in the water, they will yell the level that they want to reach once only, and if you don't dive into the lake quickly they'll give up any effort to evolve and regress to water breathing - or at least give it a fair old try.

Further problems are caused for would-be flyboy by the local dinosaurs. The triceratopses and pterodactyls don't like helicopters, it seems, and will attack Ugh's cab at every opportunity, both in the air and on the ground, so it pays not to dally around the thunder lizards.

The fascinating thing about Ugh! is that the flying adheres to real physical laws. Pushing up on the stick has little initial effect. Keep pushing, though, and the necessary lift is generated. If you now lay off of the power, you'll glide gently upwards. Keep pushing and the chopper suddenly gains momentum and screams skyward.

Ugh!'s a touch game. Play requires fine tweaks of the stick to guide your chopper. The bird must be eased around the sky, squeezed and not forced through gaps. If you wang the chopper about, you'll smash into rocks and knack' your rotor blades, which isn't a smart move as they are the only thing holding you in the air!

Such sweet controls have to be learned. For the first few games you wheel about the sky crashing into all and sundry, losing helicopter after helicopter to heavy landings and bad flying. Just the right amount of pressure has to be applied to get the whirly-bird moving, but not moving enough to send you spinning skywards.

Landings can be rapid - and often have to be - but never uncontrolled. A quick 'flare' of the blades is needed before landing can be attempted. Forget to give your blades that vital bit of boost before you hit the dirt and that's just what you'll do - real hard.

More physics come out to play whenever a level features a large amount of water. It seems that Ugh isn't happy inventing the helicopter a couple of millennium early but he has had a fair attempt at putting a submarine together too! Which is just as well because some of the platforms that Ugh's clients want to reach are on the other side of large lakes and the only way to reach them is by plunging the helicopter into the pond at high-speed, then trying to fly underwater!

Bearing in mind that this is impossible, the machine performs admirably. The water stiffens resistance to joystick controls and the chopper requires greater joystick force to direct. On top of this comes the small problem of being underwater in a buoyant craft - you have this annoying tendency to float. This reverses the normal gravity and threatens to take you speedily to the surface, which is fine unless you happen to be floating under one of the large (rotor-blade-mangling) rocks.

And just when you thought you'd seen it all, Ugh! manages to spring a few more surprises. How about simultaneous two player action?! Here, with a stick lodged firmly in each port, two Ugh cabbies have to save the same number of people, to take the same risks and use twice the amount of energy as usual. There's still the same amount of food, but the little peddlers use up twice as much power.

One Ugh has to go on kitchen duties, hovering around the tree with their rock ready to drop, while the other scoots about searching for passengers. Good team work and timing is essential or you'll end up starved and a life down on the deal. This adds an interesting extra slant to the whole affair, as one Ugh is forced to take a rest as the other uses up the last few ounces of energy in a bid for food.

As it's your girlfriend you're trying to impress, it pays to pay extra attention to any caveladies who happen to pop out and ask for a taxi. It may be her, it may not - who can tell, when the peeps are only five pixels high? - but even if it isn't you can rack up some extra jealousy points by nabbing her fare. Some levels rely on you picking up, and safely delivering, the lady of the level. But just remember that while the women seem stronger swimmers, this doesn't mean you can turn the lady of the level into the lady of the lake!

Graphically, Ugh! really works hard. The brilliant water effects and moody cave backdrops give the game gloss. Only the main sprite lets the show down. Sure it's brilliantly animated - check out our Powerpack demo and you'll see Ugh's little legs pedalling like a good 'un - but he's been drawn in very similar colours to the backgrounds. You can see him, and after a long game he becomes quite distinct, but for the first few plays he has a tendency to blend in.

Ultimately, Ugh sails above these minor problems. The quality of code and the slick 'stick skill required makes it a Corker. Ugh! is as frustrating as you can imagine, annoying the legs off you when it kills you time after time. It gets away with this because the reason for failure is always a slight slip on the playing front - it's your fault, not the game's. A cool hand and calm head must be kept at all times.

Ugh! is finely-balanced. You're always just short of energy, so one run to the tree is always needed. The dinosaurs aren't a major threat but they can keep you hovering for just too long and running you out of energy while you wait to swoop in for a customer or munch. The fragility of the helicopter forces you to take care when flying, so many levels are set up specifically to smash your chopper to bits with overhangs, underwater power-dives and snoring dinosaurs. The reverse gravity effects of the lakes at the base of each level give you a hard time, requiring far more stick pressure and forcing you to abandon all the rules you've learnt when for flying normally and discover a whole new set. It's just very, very good - although personally I can think of safer ways to travel.

1. Very frustrating on the later levels.

1. A sweet, sweet, sweet touch game.
2. A puzzle and dexterity test that's up there with the best of them.
3. Masses of levels and three difficulty settings.
4. Silly, but original concept.
5. Excellent control system makes Ugh! really fly.
6. Smart water effects make later levels look good and play well.
7. Fine balance between caution, haste, food and monsters - tense stuff!
8. Password feature allows you to restart at any stage.