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Shock! Horror! Hulk Hogan in non-waggle-frenzy game exclusive. Yup, that's right, this time the action's of the platform variety. The only wrestling going on here is Clur and her conscience - did she really have to hit Dave that hard when they were arguing about who was going to review the game? Who cares? She won.

Dave reckons it was a bit of a dirty match down at the Bath Pavilion - a mighty contest between Kendo Nagasaki and Giant Haystack. According to Dave, Nagasaki deliberately threw the salt in his own eyes to get Giant disqualified. Sounds a bit staged as well, Wrestling's not a real combat sport; it's more like some kind of performance art, which is probably why Hulk Hogan thought that he could make it as an actor.

Wrong! It has to be admitted that Terry, nee Hulk, Hogan has been in some appalling movies - Mr Nanny is an all-time croaker, Suburban Commando did have a couple of amusing bits but there is just no way that it could ever be described as a good movie. But bad movies do not necessarily make bad computer games as Hudson Hawk and now Suburban Commando prove; the computer-generated Hulk even displayed a better range of acting abilities than his flesh and blood counterpart.

In the game we find the little guy playing the role of an alien-battling against evil forces all over the universe. Of course, in the movie everything turns out just fine in the end. But in the game it's all up to you - (cue a naff Awesome Wellies-style voiceover) only you can save the universe from certain destruction! (Loads of loud bangs and flashy lights then face to a space ship flying through asteroid belt accompanied by a pseudo-John Williams score.)

The film might have had a heavily predictable plot but the game starts out with a bit of a twist. While the bulk of Sub Com consists of platform action, it opens with you playing Shep Ramsey - the Hulk character - in control of a dinky little space ship blasting your way through a shoot-'em-up section. As shoot-'em-ups go, it's no classic and is fairly easy, but then again, it is only the first of four levels, and a bit of blasting is a great way to ease yourself into the game. There are speed-up tokens and better weaponry to pick up along the way; you soon work out which enemies to destroy to get a bonus.

Get through that level, and you're into the much tougher platform section. You're now in humanoid form, on board a space ship where no-one seems to appreciate your presence. The ship's owned by the one and only General Suitor, a madman who terrorises the space-ways with his band of bounty hunters. What you've got to do is to leap from platform to platform, pulverising guards with your bare fists and identifying weak spots on the ship (they're not that difficult to spot; there are big red arrows pointing them out). To complete the level you have to plant a bomb at each weak spot; when you've done that you gain access to the end-of-level room where, would you believe, there's an end-of-level guardian waiting for you.

All this destruction makes the psychotic General even madder. In fact, it gets him so mad that he forces you to crash land on Earth (LA to be precise), setting the scene for level three. You have to search for tools to repair your crashed ship. There must be some very forgetful mechanics in LA, 'cos they lose their tools in the weirdest of places - floating in mid-air above a skyscraper, for example. Making your task even trickier is a squadron of The General's guards who've been dispatched with orders to exterminate you on sight (well, it's easier than trying to exterminate you when you're not in sight).

Once you've found all your tools, it's on to the next level. Here you need to find the crystals that fuel your ship so that you can make it back to the General's hide-out to get rid of him for good. And guess who are around to make life difficult? Yup, it's those guards again!

At the end of each platform level you face a guardian, each, in time-honoured computer gaming tradition, meaner than the one before. Not that any of them are easy to beat, especialy as some of them are twice the size of you and all you've got to hit 'em with are your fists. They move pretty fast, too... well a darned sight faster than Shep's little legs can carry him. In fact, compared to the rest of the gameplay they feel a little out of place because they're so much tougher.

In the version I saw it wasn't very clear when you were getting hit, especially on the shoot-'em-up level. But being the powerful, all-knowing chapess that I am, I got the programmer to tweak the game a bit especially for me. So now the border flashes when you're losing energy to let you know that you're doing something wrong.

Though there are only three platformy bits, they're big enough to keep you going for a fair while, and each has its own distinct feel so that the gameplay doesn't became stale. But there's no high score table (I tried my charms with the programmer again but he said: "Not enough memory, Guv!"). Once you've used up all your three continues the game instantly flicks to the intro screen so you haven't even got chance to note your score down on a piece of paper! So when you've completed the game, that's it - there's no incentive to get you going back for more, like trying to beat your high score.

The tune's dead groovy, though; you might want to go back to listen to that. It's not a true representation of the film score but it packs a sharp left hook.

Shep's an obedient sprite [He's not a Blue Peter dog, Clur! - Ed]. A sharp tug on the choke chain... er, I mean, joystick and he responds instantly to commands. The collision detection on some of the platforms feels a little off at times but overall it's pretty good. On the edge of platforms, Shep'll balance, Sonic-style, on one leg. Very un-big-wrestler-like, but quite cute in the game. Talking of Sonic, there's lots of consoley-style bouncy springs around the platform levels to help you to higher places.

Suburban Commando is a solid little game; nothing spectacular or amazingly original, but decent, solid fun, It might well be a bit easy for experienced platform fans, but it's definitely worth having a grapple with for a few rounds. Ding Ding! Seconds out.

Graphics 82%
Nothing fancy, but clear and playable, and the Hulksome one himself is great.

Sound 81%
Some stonking music, but a complete absence of sound effects.

Playability 89%
The shoot-'em-up section and the decent controls draw you in.

Lastability 69%
But when you've completed it once, you won't be in a hurry to re-load it.

Overall 82%