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Ahar, me ship mates! Avast ye landlubbers! Pieces of eight 'n Spanish Dubloons! We set sail tonight for a tropical island and on the way we shall drink large flagons of the finest ale, talk in a gruff and ludicrous manner and strike swarthy poses a-plenty.

Just when we thought software couldn't get any more ridiculous, we're given this murdering pirate simulator from Domark, where you play either One Eye or Red Beard (original, huh?)

Anyway, having paid your sovereign and taken your choice it's off to level one. By shoving your mizzen mast of merriment [I think he means joystick - Ed] in various directions and pressing the fire button, you can access a number of moves. You can walk back and forth, turn around, cut and thrust with your cutlass and parry to fend off the blows of your opponents.

You start each level aboard your ship 'The Jolly Todger', or some such piratey name and have to kill off a few opponents before screaming "land ho!" and leaping onto the dockside. From here it's more of the same: killing, collecting and overcoming hazards.

In places there are little crosses on the ground. Press fire while standing on them and small mound of gold is dug up for bonus points. Also each time you kill an opponent a gold coin appears (well, gold square), again collectible for extra points.

At certain stages throughout each level, all of the enemies must be killed before progression to the next stage is permitted. Care must be taken to wipe out all opposition or else the exit to the next stage scrolls off screen and there's no way of continuing. A crappy design feature if ever I saw one.

When you reach the end of the level, a slightly-larger-than-normal opponent appears who requires slightly-more-than-normal hits to defeat... then it's on to the next phase.

Each level has a specific theme. Level one contains Spanish Conquistadors resplendent in armour but fatter than your average darts player; level two features pirates, pirates and more pirates; level three is the Ninja level(?) and so on.

Graphically, Skull And Crossbones is a bit of a mixed bag. While the visuals are colourful and the sprites well drawn, the animation is poor. The piratey backdrops are very cartoony which, given the nature of the game (a sort of poor man's Golden Axe), seems all wrong.

The game is fairly playable but too simplistic; it's simply not sophisticated enough for your average games player.

Given the choice between playing this for long periods of time and walking the plank into shark-infested waters, it would have to be Hello Mr. and Mrs. Hammerhead

1. First few levels are easy to get to grips with - good for the nippers.
2. Nicely detailed swarthy sprites.
3. Several nice touches enhance the piratey, swashbuckling flavour.
4. The main soundtrack is pleasingly Yo ho ho.
5. Roger.

1. The graphics, while colourful, lack detail and the sprite animation is poor.
2. Joystick controls are unwieldy and frustratingly unresponsive.
3. Poor game design means it's all too easy to find progression impossible.
4. Gameplay is simplistic and repetitive. Real kids' stuff.
5. Bleeps and blips are inappropriate sound effects for a pirate game.