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Take eight guys down to the ice rink, grab an old football, a few bits of rubbish and a couple of ice hockey goals and you've got everything you'll ever need to play a game of Skate Wars. You pick your four-man team from a selection of mugshots and a few choice player statistics. The higher your side's strength, balance and reaction, the better your chance of hammering the ball in the old onion-bag.

Teamwork, on the other hand, is one thing you don't have to worry about. As two of the foursome are substitutes and one's a computer-controlled goalie, all you've got to worry about is a one-on-one grappling contest with the meatloaf from the other side - and in this sport anything goes. There are no fouls: you can trip, push and maim the other player as much as you like, though with only basic directional, jumping and kicking controls at your disposal there's a limit to just how bloodthirsty you can be.

Ball control is of the good old "spheroid sticks to the foot" variety - no matter how acrobatic your skating skills there'll always be that little ball hanging off the end of your toe. A contest is played over 50 levels or games.

The first side to get five goals wins a game but the only way out of the tournament altogether is in a body-bag. Oddly enough, after a hundred knuckle sandwiches from your opponent, you'll still be A-OK. What it all hangs on are the obstacles on the pitch. This magnificent example of future engineering comes fitted with fireball generators, bottomless pits, lethal spikes and ramps. One collision is enough to mess up your I LOVE MY MUM tattoo for ever: next thing you know you're heading for the big bad ice rink in the sky!

Each time a player dies, a substitute steps in (you get an extra sub every five levels played) but once they're all used up, it's curtains. Not only have you lost the game, you've also lost the war.

In theory the pitches get tougher the further you progress. In practice the matches are all pretty much the same: about as varied as a wet weekend in Clacton when your telly's on the blink. The small number of available moves and the limitations of a one-on-one confrontation mean that the only action you'll find around here is strictly routine.

1. Bland graphics with little variety on screen give the game little in terms of visual appeal.
2. Very restricted movement controls detract from the element of skill.
3. One-on-one confrontation limits the complexity of the gameplay.
4. No goalie control; the computer ones are a pushover - another wasted opportunity.
5. Play itself is much too easy.
6. Unimaginative obstacles.

1. Smooth scrolling.
2. User-friendly menu lets you tailor-make game requirements.
3. Start on levels 1-10.
4. Easy-to-master controls.
5. Handy pre-match pitch overview.
6. Individual player portraits and characteristics.
7. Exciting atmosphere gets you into an "'Ere we go" mood!