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Simon - not exactly the most sporting of chappies, is he? Then again, it doesn't look as if he'll be getting much exercise with Match Of The Day!

Sure. Match Of The Day is the ultimate football challenge. Deal with everything that a real manager has to face - spotting a player's potential, making an offer his club can't refuse, deciding on his best position, training him up, getting him and winning games. And other teams will be trying to poach your best players, your staff, maybe even you. What on Earth will Des and Jimmy say? Translation: Footie Management Sim.

Abeldy abeldy flah flah flah. It doesn't matter what I write, you see, you'll have stopped reading anyway by now. I suppose I'd better keep Hutch happy and talk about the game though. [Shrewd idea, Simon - Ed] I'll have to leave the answers to all those important questions (like "Where exactly do spiders go in the winter?") for another time. [My bathroom window sill - Ed]

Football. Management. Simulator. Do I really have to? [Yep - Hutch] Right. Off we go. On loading, you're mercilessly dumped into a harsh world of icons and things, with only your cunning, reflexes, and attention span to protect you. All is quiet. Something flickers in your peripheral vision - it's the game features.

1. The Supporters Club
   These are the poor suckers who want to follow their heroes' careers, and pour loads and loads of liquid cash into both the club and your pocket. The only downside is that this ties you to respecting the wishes of the supporters club, as they're paying for the beer.
2. The Physiotherapist
   This is the sadist that twists the footballer's legs back round the right way, or removes football boot studs that get buried deep in the groin.
3. Dealing
   This is the bit for buying players, transferring players, or selecting trainers and the like.
4. Team Selection
   No, hold on, it's on the tip of my tongue. No really. I'll get it in a minute.
5. Trainer
   Organise your people to run round a field aimlessly, get really worked up over friendly matches, and start fouling each other to 'even the odds a little bit'.
6. Team Talk
   Letting you mess around with the Free Transfers List, and get your players laughed at because you couldn't even give them away.
7. Scout
   The really sneaky bit where your scouts wander around other football games, and try to recruit players from other teams, luring them away with money, women, and packets of Scampi Fries.

As well as these main playing options, and of course the all important game - which we'll get onto in a minute - there are a few other bits, such as viewing fixture tables, etc, but as you can see, there's a comprehensive range of things to do in your capacity of 'manager in sheepskin'.

The game part of the shebang is relatively disappointing, as you really only get loads of mid-game wibble from two irritating presenters with very little life outside of their cardigans. Why no-one's ever thought of combining fast football gaming action with tediously slow football management I don't know, and I really am sorry about not appreciating fully the thrills and spills of football management, but this concept really is getting more than a little tired.

All in all, I'd have to say yes, you would like Match Of The Day if you happen to be into footie management sims, but the odds are you're not a [Censored - Hutch], and so would much rather do the washing up or clean the drains instead.

Okay, so maybe it was a mistake giving this review to someone who hates football with as much vigour as me, but I mean honestly, it really is about time that we alerted the public to the terror of a game concept that, though it spawned many titles (be they good or bad), has not changed or seen any new features since the whole hideous idea began.

Graphics 68%
How good do the graphics need to be? Would you notice anyhow?

Sound 30%
I couldn't find any; that's probably a good thing, though.

Playability 49%
The packaging looked quite nice, but it's a sim, so I lost interest.

Lastability 51%
You might leave it on accidentally for the weekend while on holiday.

Overall 60%