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You know, I'd just love to sit here and tell you all that this is a cricket game, but apparently it's not. Instead, it's world class cricket, and Graham Gooch's at that (by the look of the box, he's a batsman, sporty ignorance fans).

So the big question hanging on everyone's lips (if they read my footy management sim review a few months back) is "Is it another management sim?". Well, though as far as I know, there has never been a cricket management sim, you'd have thought someone somewhere would have churned out something for me to slag off - this game is based mainly on the running around and getting red trousers side of things. Thankfully, there isn't a managerial cucumber sandwich in sight anywhere.

So what we've got here is a cricket game, and when you start it up, this much is quite painfully apparent - there's no snazzy loading screens, no groovy tunes, and no special effects - just a series of menus. But what do these menus say? Well, they give you a series of options, such as the number of players (you can have two-player games), the innings per match, and overs per innings, enabling you to freely set up the type and length of game you wish to play. So once we've decided all this stuff, it's a hey nonny ho, and off we go, journeying through the ancient and terrifying land o the statistics screens...

Okay, so they're not exactly stats screens, but is all this player selecting stuff really necessary? Only an idiot would pick anyone other than their top eleven players, and so a little button has been provided to do exactly that. Why the rest of the screen has been included, then, is a bit of a mystery (maybe the programmers probably didn't want to offend the crap people in the teams).

Then it's time to go through the various important positions in the team, deciding who's going to bowl, slip (you mean they plan accidents?), and keep the wicket. Once again, this is an utterly pointless idea - I'm not stupid, me 00 it's just that I don't watch cricket, or follow it in any way. Now I'm not expecting a complete explanation in the rules - it's a cricket game written for cricket fans, after all, but I wouldn't mind just a little bit of help now and again with exactly who is a good batsman, bowler, wicket-keeper, etc.

This is, sadly, missing, and so I'm doomed to picking crap players for all the wrong positions. Thanks. I think I can give a pretty good guess as to the way this match is going to go from here on in; I've probably got the umpire keeping wicket.

Forgive me - that was just a bit tacky, wasn't it? All this hideous cliche writing aside, though, after you've spent a few years trying to work out who would make the best bowler by the sound of their name, you get to do a little practice with a bat and a ball - practice that'll seriously come in handy once you start playing an actual match, as things are a little difficult at first.

The practice mode itself has helpful features, such as a colour-coded timing system, so you can work out when you should be hitting fire (or whatever) as opposed to when you're actually getting the guy to do anything, which is usually about half an hour after the game's finished.

This is a Very Good Thing - it's so rare that you'll find a sports sim that actually allows you to get a little practice before the main event, as opposed to being thrown headfirst into the game and losing miserably for the first 24 hours.

The batting (and, in fact, the bowling) system is odd to say the least - it's not based on the standard "move the batsman round, and select the type of stroke you want by pressing fire and a direction" system. When it comes down to it, you just have to push the joystick either up for defensive play, or down for aggressive tactics. What does this mean in terms of gameplay? Well, it stops you having to spend ages wrestling with a cack control system just trying to get your batsman a few centimetres to the left or whatever, letting you concentrate on your tactics instead (what tactics?).

So, once you've spent several years practising, we can progress to the main game bit...

This is where things get a little weird. You see, for a team of eleven (supposedly) players, why are there only four fielders? For that matter, why is it we can only see about a third of the cricket pitch (the bits to the left and right of the wicket) when playing? What happened to the rest (well, erm, all the other bits that make up the pitch)?

For that fault, the game is a little unrealistic, and it becomes really quite obvious that you're playing a computer version that can't be bothered to cover as much pitch as it could, and this is a bit of a downfall.

And as the sun gets gradually lower in the sky, the player's thoughts turn to the cucumber sandwiches waiting in the pavilion, and the commentators start talking about the cake someone's provided them with, we have to take a look at whether the day's playing has been, well, any good really.

What we've got here, you see, is a cricket simulation game with a difference - it's not cricket. Why? Well, firstly, I got the hang of it straight away and found it an enjoyable and entertaining game. Secondly, it lacks the kind of deep down playing concept that makes cricket lovers cricket lovers (and God alone knows why that is anyway).

When all the "is it really a very good cricket sim?" questions are out of the way, though, there's still one question left.

Now that's a toughie - it's a sports sim, and sports sims are notorious for being hated by anyone who's not heavily into the genre (a bit like flight sims). For this reason, unless you're a hardened cricket fanatic you really won't find much here to keep you interested for anything over about a quarter of an hour (and even then, the last five minutes will be a little bit dull).

If you're the kind of person who lives to hear the crack of willow hitting balls (don't you dare say a single word, Hutch!) and the mere mention of cricket made you buy this magazine even though you've never used a computer in your life and never intend to, you might like to think about getting hold of a copy. If, like me, the mere thought of donning your sporty whites and running round aimlessly for several for several days doesn't light your candle, then avoid for all you're worth, like you've never avoided before.

Have fun (or don't).

Before you play this, learn how to actually play cricket - it seriously helps!

1. If you're a cricket fan, you'll like it.
2. If you're not, avoid it like a nuclear meltdown or one of my guffs.
3. It's average.
4. A reasonable cricket game, but not much more. In fact, there's quite a bit less.