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Dick Tracy, cult comic and cartoon strip hero, is cool as a cucumber and harder than an FA Cup tie against Liverpool. So cool and hard, in fact, that last year's film made about him (starring Warren Beatty and Madonna) grossed well over $100 million and finished ninth in the USA 1990 Top Ten.

The game of the film of the comic is loosely based on the following plot: Big Boy, Flat Top, Pruneface and The Brow are hiding at the Ritz plotting dastardly deeds. Dick arrives at the hideout, only to discover that the bad guys have scarpered.

Grabbing his cap and coat, Ricardo resolves to track down the malevolent mobsters to their hideouts. It sounds like it could be fun, doesn't it? At least you'd expect another run-of-the-mill platform and shoot-'em-up game. But Dick Tracy doesn't even scale the dizzy heights of mediocrity. To give you some idea of how simple it all is, here's a description of the first two levels:

Level One. Walk right. Hold down fire button as man approaches. Man hits extended fist and dies. Walk right to next screen. (Repeat until end of level is reached.) Level Two. Men appear, carrying guns; shoot them. Walk right to next screen. Men appear. (Repeat as before.) Sandwiched between these action-packed stages are newspaper cuttings with pictures of Dick's vanquished foe - their only genuine contribution is to use up more loading time.

By now you'll probably be so fast asleep that eight million volts couldn't stir you. If you did manage to stay awake, you might take note of the jerky, chicken-like sprite animation, or the way in which Tracy's yellow coat sometimes mysteriously blends in with the background - all to the monotonous drone of the soundtrack. Then again, you might just find better uses for the cassette: a door wedge, cheap confetti (unspool tape and cut into small pieces), a weird 'n wacky pair of glasses or a his 'n hers pencil holder. Best of all, don't buy the game in the first place.

1. Gaudily-coloured, blocky backgrounds and sprites.
2. Simplistic, jerky sprite animation.
3. Annoying, repetitive tune which even slows down the the screen flicks.
4. Awful presentation, particularly the poorly-designed multiload - it takes long enough to load in the first place.
5. You have to rewind and reload if you get killed (and you only get one life anyway).
6. Sorely inadequate instructions, which don't even convey essential information.
7. The action is so boring and repetitive that you won't want to come back to it after a few games.
8. Bugged beyond belief.
9. Waste of a licence.

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