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Every now and again a game appears which is destined to be a legend, not only in its own launch-time but for months, even years, to come. These games are remembered long after your bog-standard top-ten hits have finally been emptied from bargain buckets around the country.

They belong the exclusive club known as 'Unbelievably Crap Games'. You won't be surprised to hear that Cisco Heat is the latest member of that club.

If you've played the coin-op you'll remember Cisco Heat as one of the finest driving games ever. Huge graphics, mesmerising speed, delightful colour, the kind of thing that makes you chuck pocketfuls of coins into arcade machines.

When and if you play the C64 version of this game (and I don't advise that you do) you'll see one of the rarest examples of dismal programming ever. No, this isn't in the same class as the mega-awful Dick Tracy, but it ain't far off.

So what's gone wrong? Well, for a start it would be impossible for anyone to create a truly convincing coin-op conversion of Cisco Heat on the Amiga, let alone the C64 (but that's not to say that there's isn't a good driving game lurking in there somewhere). Nevertheless, the programmers have unwisely decided to try just that, and so I'm afraid they were doomed to fail from the very beginning. Had they plumped for a game that followed the Cisco Heat plot but didn't really attempt any of the fabby tricks of the coin-op, they might have done a good deal better.

The plot is that of a race through the streets of San Francisco. You drive a police car which means you can happily honk your horn and other cars will get out of the way. It's all heavy-duty street race stuff with tons of obstacles, sharp corners and plenty of incidental detail to cope with.

But the frame rate is so slow (about three or four a second, as opposed to at least twice that on a good game), the effect on the eye is unbelievably jumpy. A lamppost actually seems to be jumping towards you. The illusion of movement and speed is shattered.

Cars are drawn on to solid grey blocks, which are invisible while the cars are on the road but as soon as these vehicles go near a grass verge, the grey surroundings are there to behold. It would be laughabout, had you not just spent £15 on this nonsense.

Turning corners is simply a matter of jumping from one screen to another if you've moved the car to the corner of the screen.

Add appalling screen detection, no sense of perspective (turn a corner, and the view doesn't change at all), very poor sound effects, and you've got one of the worst games of 1991. Steer clear.

1. The screen hardly ever seems to change, which is pretty odd for a supposed car racing game.
2. Collision detection is arbitrary when it's being good, and non-existent when it's being bad.
3. Frame rate is terribly slow - possibly half as slow as a half-decent driving game.
4. It's racked with silly bugs.
5. There's no 'race' feeling to the game. In effect, it's boring.
6. Sound effects are poor.
7. Differences between various levels are pretty difficult to spot.
8. Cars and buildings have been drawn badly.
9. Cornering is a joke.
10. Everything else.

1. Erm, it comes in a nice box.