There's a new wind blowing through gaming, and it smells of rosehip petals with citrus overtones and a strong vanilla finish. You will recognise it as the heady scent of cheap perfume. The imminent arrival of Rumble Roses and Playboy: The Mansion signals the dawn of a new, sexier age. But we're not talking PS2 porn just yet. Playboy: The Mansion has got its tongue placed firmly in cheek (often literally) with cartoon knockers and happy smiles that are a million miles away from the dead eyes and harsh lights of the San Fernando Valley. This is a loving hug of a game rather than a brutal knee-trembler. So obviously there's no way it could arouse men such as us, who are fully versed in the excesses of continental cinema. But, ever the consummate professionals, we spent an afternoon checking. Just to be sure.

You play as Hugh Hefner, pyjama-wearing lothario and soft-focus tycoon. The game begins with Hef as a young buck out to make his name in grumble publishing (and presumably climaxes with him as the desicated walking cadaver we know now). Using an interface lifted wholesale from The Sims, you have to tart up the mansion, hire and fire staff to write and photograph the magazine and throw celeb parties. Thankfully, you don't have to worry about cleaning up after Hef or making sure he doesn't forget to take a crap. Instead, the focus is on getting the business ticking over like a well-lubricated money printing machine.

Not exactly, no. That said, you are thrown straight into the 'action'. One of the first jobs involves shooting a centrefold spread. Having acquired the services of a Playmate, you select her outfit, choose which part of the mansion you want her to pose in and then start snapping. The girls are predictably uninhibited and digital boobies are only a button-click away. Your chosen lovely mugs enthusiastically for the camera while you try to nail the perfect shot. Apparently, the game will judge the aesthetic merits of your work, but right now it's hard to see how. Nonetheless, as seasoned men of magazines we took a significant amount of time trying to get 'the look' absolutely spot on.

Tough call. Try staring at the screenshots for a bit longer. Feeling anything stir? Thought not.

Oh yes, and it's absolutely extraordinary for two reasons. First, it's possible to get almost any girl - Playmates, bunnies, gullible photographers - into the sack with just a brief conversation and some light petting. This, it has to be said, does not entirely tally with our life experience thus far. Second, the girls are willing to do the nasty regardless of who's watching. Having neglected to purchase a bed, we simply got down to it on the couch while employees milled around in the background entirely unconcerned.

Nope. Hef and his honey keep their pants on while going through a simple animation. It goes like this: rub crotch in face, bounce vigorously on lap, thrash around like Elizabeth Berkley in the swimming pool scene from Showgirls. End.

That's a tricky one. We're glad a lot of the more annoying elements from The Sims (cleaning up, anyone?) have been stripped away - but, without playing a lot more, it's hard to tell whether there's much depth here at all. Also, there are a few obvious niggles, including the fact you have to press about three buttons just to make Hef climb the stairs. Our main worry is that completing the twelve missions is going to involve wading through an awful lot of structured conversations, only to see variations on the same pair of digital bangers at the end.

That's entirely dependant on her, so we're not making any promises. However, we suspect that she's likely to be more embarrassed for you rather than morally outraged about the reductive objectification of modern femininity. Like we said... it depends on your bird.

Shamefully, we must report that Playboy: The Mansion is vaguely saucy, but only in a "The Sims goes softcore" kinda way. We need to spend more time with the software before evaluating its merits fully. Ahem.