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Jeffrey Archer's books have become bestsellers - including Not A Penny More Not A Penny Less, upon which this adventure is based. After struggling through the book prior to attempting the game, I can't see why. Not particularly well written, the story is extremely contrived, and set in a world far removed from most of its readers - the society-rich who aim to make a quick pile for no work, by buying shares after an inside tip-off. But their gamble doesn't pay off. The value of the shares slumps within days of the purchase, a feat engineered by one Harvey Metcalfe, the villain of the piece.

Serves them right for being so greedy and parasitic, I say. Nevertheless, apart from being financially ruined, they feel swindled, and decide to steal back 'their' money from him - a total of $250,000, not a penny more, not a penny less. Let's face it, they're nothing if not honest.

The paperback is included in the package with the adventure game which is, alas, even worse and had me gasping in disbelief at the obvious ignorance of its programmers.

The first thing to be noticed, is the way the command typed at the bottom of the screen disappears as soon as RETURN is pressed. True, the last command entered can be recalled by a function key, but that is of little use if different vocabulary is being tested to carry out an action, as the previous unsuccessful attempts cannot be listed. Believe me, the vocabulary is so limited that many tries are often necessary.

All the time this experimentation is going on, or other inappropriate commands are entered, the player is insulted with such replies as STOP WASTING YOUR TIME and YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT VERSION OF ENGLISH TO ME.

The next incredible thing to hit the player comes after he has picked up a few items, and tries to list his inventory. There was no command I could find, nor any given in the instructions, to this. I tried I, INV, INVENT, INVENTORY, TAKE INVENTORY and LIST, all returning a suitably sarcastic reply.

It appears that items that have been taken cannot be dropped, and early on in the game, a camera which I took from a cupboard was still there when I opened the cupboard again.

Perhaps the worst feature of the game - worse even than the graphics - is the speech, although admittedly it can be turned off. It seems to be emanating from an Upper Class Twit, either brain-damaged or suffering from an excess of champers. Thus, when I reached the classic STOP DAWDLIN' AND RETURN TO MAGDALEN (you play the part of an Oxford professor) I rushed for the toilet to puke, and even Eugene's promised antidote of ten pints of brown ale in a public bar followed by a meat Vindaloo at his place failed to persuade me to return to the game.