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Mail Order Monsters is a bit like Racing Destruction Set with prehistoric animals instead of cars. Wanna hear more? OK, you asked for it.

Select a morph, it says. The morphs are the beasties that do battle and, assuming you are not playing a friend, you have to choose one to play against the computer's choice. The morphs have differing traits such as life, speed, muscle and brains, and carry different arms. Various options are tyro, bronto, hominid, arachnid, and pterasaur. Once your choice is made the disk drive whirrs into action and loads the battlefield. Tape users must wind on the appropriate spot. To relieve the boredom you hear the message 'in transit to whichever battlefield' but, regrettably, the feeling persists right through the game.

And so to the battlefield of which, I am told, there are eight. Once you're on the battlefield which, incidentally, is quite large, occupying several screens, it's simply a question of stalking around sluggish your opponent whenever you get the chance. Eventually one of you dies (merciful release) and it's time to start again.

The funny thing about Mail Order Monsters is that in every other respect it's excellent. The graphics and sound are nothing short of superb, and the thing is really well put together. But in the one vital aspect it's incredibly lacking. In other words it's a deathly bore to play. The approach seems to have been that if a game fills 100K and gives the player a hundred different weapons to choose from then it's alright. Sadly, a bad game done on a grand scale is just twice as boring.