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Computer programmers and the like have long known that their toys, while supposedly being inanimate and obedient, have now and again shown streaks of mischief and sheer perversity. Something has to explain those mysterious bugs which creep into a man's deftly structured code.

The secret is out. There are little people in your Arnold. Activision has conducted intensive research into this phenomenon and now presents for your edification the Little Computer People Discovery Kit.

Running the program for the first time produces a cross-section of a house (not dissimilar to a doll's house with the front hinged off).

Tastefully decorated in Mode 0, the three floors comprise kitchen/living room, studyibathroombedroom and TV room/music room/workroom. All mod, cons. as standard, its purpose is to tempt your own LCP out of hiding into the open.

And, after a few minutes, your very own LCP arrives. He (and it always seems to be a he gives the house a thorough going over, before dashing out to grab his effects. With, it must be said, his dog.

Once he's in residence, it's up to you to keep him fed, well and happy.

Interaction with your LCP (mine is called Alex perhaps it should be LACP is through the k6yboard. If you type in stuff as usual, it gets sent as a message to your Person.

Control and a letter perform certain functions. Topping up the water supply is Control +W, leaving dog food is Control+D, that sort of thing. You can also give the LCP a little TLC, by means of the Control+P function. The Americans call this petting, another example of the linguistic divide, methinks.

Pressing Control+P summons the LCP to his easychair, pressing it again makes a hand appear from one of the walls and pat him on the head. This sort of thing is necessary from time to time, because even if you keep your LCP topped up with the bare necessities he'll pine for a little human companionship.

You can leave him a record or book at the front door, and this usually cheers him up a bit. So does responding to his request to play a game: He's a dab hand at poker and an advanced form of Snap (called Card Wars).

To find out his feelings, you can ask him to type you a letter. He won't always want to, but he is quite happy to pour out his feelings when he does. He's also partial to a phone call.

Things go seriously wrong if you omit to feed him for a few hours, or let the water supply get low. Too long without either and your LCP gets sick and takes to bed,

And yes, he really goes green (or if you're watching this in monochrome, greener). This is bad, and an intensive course of food, drink and petting is needed to revive the old spirits. Well, it always works for me

And when the antics get a little wearing, or work calls, you can always remove the disk, put your LCP to bed and wake him up later. If only real life was like this.

Is it absurd? Is it a game? No, it's Little Computer People! I've seen no stranger sight than four grown men, hardened hackers all, cooing and gurgling over LCP running on an Amstrad. The undoubted charm of this, er, package is hard to explain, a bit like owning a pet but without the messy bits. But charm is certainly the strong point.

The process of upkeep tends to pall after a few hours, but it's a good one to run for a bit if you're feeling jaded. And I've never managed to starve the lad yet, I always cave in at the first sign.

My parents once went to the pet department at Harrods. They asked for a dog which was well behaved, didn't make a mess, didn't cost a fortune in vet's bills and feeding and could be left alone in the house. The kennelmaid suggested they try the toy department.

If LCP had been around then she'd have sent them to the computer section. All the fun of owning a pet, none of the fuss.

CP cannot be reviewed on a normal gameplay basis. OK, I can comment on the graphics - they are too chunky and should have been in Mode 1.

Instead they look like the Commodore 64 the game started on. Even in mode 0 it is possible to do better. LCP can be reviewed on an emotional basis. I like our LCP, and I think he likes me.