Holy Grail of hack 'n' slash or thermos of cold tea?
Knights Of The Temple: Infernal Crusade (Evolved Games)
Broken Sword and its sequels were an honest attempt to deal with the politics, religion and bloodshed of the Medieval Crusades. This game, on the other hand, is a ludicrous demon-busting beat-'em-up with a subject that deserves more serious treatment.
Templar Knights weren't famous for their love of women, but nevertheless you're travelling to the Holy Land to rescue a blessed virgin called Adelle. A Satan-worshipping bishop and his Saracen cronies have kidnapped her on a one-way ticket to hell. If you've ever dreamed of kicking ass for the Lord, this is the time to do it.
If this off-the-wall storyline has you praying for equally cutting-edge gameplay, you'll be sorely disappointed. In the hack 'n' slash tradition, you simply walk from room to room in linear fashion, butchering everyone who stands in your way. Combat is similarly by numbers.
Enemies unleash a massive sequence of beautifully animated blows while you keep the block button held down. When they pause for breath, you deliver some payback and watch them drop. The only amusing bit is when you deliver a gory finishing move at the end. Our favourite fatality involves sticking your broadsword right through someone as they're kneeling at your feet. The sound effects that accompany this and the other combat moves are notable as some of the best we've heard in the genre.
On your travels from a crumbling monastery to the sun-bleached streets of Jerusalem, you'll start to notice how pleasingly varied the settings are. That's not to say they're especially dazzling, though. Starbreeze seems to a have lost a little of its graphical mastery since the gorgeous-looking Enclave, because these levels are really foggy and the textures lack any real detail. The only significant improvement is that some scenery is destructible and you can even knock enemies right through tables and boxes.
We've no complaints about the number of levels at least - there are a whopping 29 to chop through. They're challenging enough to keep you interested and there are plenty of new weapons and special moves to amass along the way.
Becoming all-powerful does have a downside, though. It means that the final chapter is actually much easier than the opening one, especially because you can use healing magic between fights. No such balancing problems affect the save system, which uses pleasingly regular checkpoints to keep your progress snappy. Less commendable are the hideous loading times, which happen every time you die. If 60 seconds sounds bad, how about doubling that for the game's Xbox Live Survival mode?
Knights Of The Temple drifts in a stagnated backwater. It lacks either the presentational flair of Return Of The King or the multiplayer laughs of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Give those @ two games a try first.