Picture the scene: "Hail, stranger, to the beautiful city of Yusra!", bellows an open-armed city official, all beaming smiles and full of happy tidings. "Thank you," you reply, choosing your response carefully from the list of three possible dialogue threads. "Please, tell me more about this beautiful city."

"I hate strangers!", the official screams in reply. "Guards, seize this man and throw him in prison for the next portion of the game - but be sure not to take any of his weapons away! While you're at it, get me the person who scripted this ridiculous sequence. If our conversation trees are just going to lead to an inevitable prison escape sequence regardless of what people ask me, think what it'll do to our tourist industry!". That's one aspect of Knights Of The Temple 2 that stinks - the crappy RPG element. "I'll help if you ask, kind sir", most yokels belch in response to your questions. We are asking! Help us, you peg-toothed inbreds!

And the camera is a right old mixed bag. It'll often getting stuck in a wall, forcing you to run into an area blind - will you be running into some flames, or just a spiked pit? And that's if the camera decides to work at all. Meh.

But it's not all doom and gloom in this find-the-mystical-artefact-of-world-saving-proportions RPG-spiced slasher. It looks good, for one. Watching old ships bob about in the docks, or flames tear through a sour-faced peasant's home is all good stuff. If it were an exercise in looking pretty, this would be Shrek's Princess Fiona, somewhere between her ogre/human metamorphosis. Yes, that good! The ideas are there too, with God Himself bestowing your knight with special holy powers, such as temporary healing or invincibility.

The weapons are pretty natty too, ranging from flaming arrows (superbly accurate), to Arabian scimitars, perfect for mortally wounding an opponent in a single blow. Once they're on their knees you can then chop off their heads and make a lovely brain kebab. Super!

All the weapons and special powers are ultimately just fancy razzle-dazzle, though, for when the game really asks you to rise to the challenge, it's hard to step up. Auto-targeting combined with a broken camera are lethal bedfellows, and poorly designed levels with little or no signposting can quickly lead to frustration. "Excuse me, I'm lost, could you help?" "I'll help if you ask kind sir! Freshest bread in town!" "No, sorry, I don't think you understand. I said, I'm a little lost, could I get some directions?" "I'll help if you ask kind sir! Freshest bread in town!" "Fine. Thanks a lot. I'll just go find the end of level boss and ask him instead, shall I?" And so on.

Played as either an RPG or an 'action adventure' game, Knights of the Temple fails to realise its potential in either camp, often badly treading the water in between. It looks good, and when blips of entertainment do spring up it's enough to engage you, but the rest of the time, it's just another farted-out attempt at a generic fight game. Unless you're a mad RPG completist and/or a Crusades nut, avoid like you would a Dark Age Londoner complaining of a slight cold.

1. It looks gorgeous in part, and the lighting from clashing weapons tends to illuminate the whole screen. Purdy. Mighty purdy.
2. Occasional glimpses of ingenuity do shine through. Want to get your fortune read by a parrot? This is the only game where you can...

1. The camera goes everywhere at times, and nowhere at other times. It'll be your downfall more times than an enemy sword.
2. "Freshest bread in town! Freshest bread in town! Freshest bread in town!" Shut up, shut up, shut up!
3. "I'm lost, the lights are out, and there are paths stretching off in every direction." You want lost? You want bad design? Come feast on this!

A weak, but brave attempt at telling a story nobody really wants to hear, or for that matter particularly wants to play.