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Typical scenes from a reviewer's life, as he tries to enter the state of, mind needed to run a martial arts program. This state is Dhyena (Zazen in the Japanese), when you are mindful of good and bad, but remain unaffected by feelings of love or aversion.

Only, after a row of six of the naffest games yet to cross Dunhackin's threshold, my exact mental condition is more likely to approximate to Po-Rij (Jap. Sushi), a subtle combination of rage, boredom and deadline leading to enlightenment in the nearest pub.

It takes a game of staggering originality and superlative execution to shake me from that state.

Guess what sort of game International Karate is? There's a clue in the title, but not in the first word. And it's nothing to do with Atrake, that popular Usbekistanian pastime not too similar to tiddlywinks. It is, in fact, a game of karate.

On the off chance that you've never seen a karate game, nor yet read a review, here is the thrust. Upon your visual display unit appear three figures, offset against a background of pyramids, skyscrapers or similar visual cliche.

So, if you were wondering about the significance of the International in the title, you can relax. Ponder no more. Another of life's lesser mysteries has been lain conclusively to rest.

Take up your joystick. Make upon it joysticklish movements. One of the three figures will respond by jumping about. This figure is your figure. Cease your stick manipulation. A second figure will advance across the screen and proceed to beat your figure senseless in a surprisingly short time.

This figure is your opponent. Upon your figure becoming unconscious, the third and final figure will pronounce a judgement as to the state of play. This figure is the Wise Old Judge. He never gets beaten up, or indeed has to move at all. Which explains both epithets.

If you so desire, a friend can control your opponent, and you can both do it on the keyboard. It's true, I've tried it. And whoever gets to win also gets to break a large pile of tiles, using only his head.

This is only possibly true, I haven't tried it. And then it's on to the next jetsetting international backdrop for a repeat performance.

Regardless of the liberal use of the impersonal third person pronoun, that is that. The sleeve notes contain what is possibly the worst example of adspeak I've yet ridiculed.

Atop four screen shots showing the enrobed protagonists balling fists at each other is the legend "..And you thought you'd seen a karate game..". Presumably, some mistake it for Space Invaders, chess or a spreadsheet.

And then there's the subtler oxymoron on the spine - "Perfection is the only accepted standard" - if a standard isn't accepted then it isn't a standard. Or am I waffling again...?

Unfortunately, in this somewhat limited review, there is no room to explore the finer philosophical points of Karate. Bear in mind the overriding objective, that of beating seven sorts of Hades out of the other chap.

And a final word. Wombats.

When I commented to the Ed that this karate game was exactly the same - not similar - as others I knew, he opined that it would be amusing to run a test to see if anyone could tell them apart in a blind run.

I think that would be as exciting as a tap water tasting competition. Meanwhile, like I said, IK is exactly the same as any other karate game.

The graphics might be marginally better, but joystick control, action and animation are... sorry, I can't go on, I've just fallen asleep. Zzzzz.

It's a small world. Archer Maclean, who wrote International Karate - although he was not responsible for the Amstrad conversion - went to the same school as Roland Perry and other Amstrad people.

This is perhaps the most difficult Karate game I've played - the enemy is very savage from level one. So if you are the kind of person who regularly beats the wotsit out of karate games this is for you, unless you want to wait for International Karate II.

I'd have thought that by now the world would have tired of Karate games, everyone having at least one title in their collection. And yet more make it to the shelves.

Perhaps because the life of a game is limited, no-one would be seen dead buying a game which was six months old - unless it was a classic like Elite - it is fair game to tart up an old idea and trundle it out again.

Just as every Five Star single sounds the same, every Karate game looks the same. It's competent.