Earnest spiritualists rambling in astonishingly stupid clothes...

Come closer, these things are important. Firstly, director Koichi Mashimo previously toiled on the creation of both Creamy Mami and Eat-Man. we can only imagine. Secondly, this is the second game in a series of four, so understanding the end will cost you £160. And, thirdly, it's not very good.

In fact, it's hardly any different from the first instalment (.Hack/Infection) although it lacks a tutorial, making it a bad place to start - the story, characters and indeed everything about it could come across as gibberish to the uninitiated. Its conceit is that you're actually taking part in an online role-playing game called The World, but that something evil lurks within it. You investigate the servers (ugly, blurry landscapes and bog-standard RPG villages in all but name) fighting monsters and trying to save your friend Orca, who's not a killer whale but a school friend in a coma - we know, it's serious.

It's gained an extra 'server' and new quests for the old ones, plus a racing mode for your Grunty - a large, uselessly-realised animal. Saves from Infection will carry info over. We're actually running little circles in excitement here. Do you believe that? No, save your £160 and just get terribly drunk instead.

Graphics 40%
Blurry, boring and unworthy of PS2.

Sound 50%
Largely the same music as before.

Gameplay 40%
Run, run, slash, slash, scratch head.

Lifespan 50%
Play never or forever.

Overall 30%
Like mid-priced toilet paper, it should be quite absorbing but it's actually rather painful instead. And you end up with an infection.