Grange Hill (Argus Press) Review | Commodore User - Everygamegoing

Commodore User


Grange Hill
By Argus Press
Commodore 64

 
Published in Commodore User #43

Grange Hill

Roll whining tune, dah dah dah dah, cue kamikaze sausage. Yes it's the intro to probably the most well known, and certainly the most popular school in Britain, Grange Hill. It's a shame really that a brilliant series like Grange Hill should have been converted on to the home micro.

First, I had better explain to those who never arrive home before 5:30pm or who have spent the last ten years with their head down a hole. Grange Hill is a large secondary school where anything can happen and does, such as donkeys in sheds and secret hideouts in the basement. It includes such characters as Luke "Gonch" Gardener, "Hollo" Holloway, Trevor Cleaver and several hundred more bit parts, teachers and lead roles.

As in all schools it is often infected with certain crazes such as Walkman wearing, which gives the basis for the plot of this game.

Gonch, in trying to keep up his image, brought in his new Walkman complete with RS20 headphones but unfortunately he had the whole set up confiscated by a passing teacher.

Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, we can overhear a conversation between Gonch and Hollo:

"I can't go home without it, Hollo! She'll murder me!"

"It's you fault, Gonch. You know that school rules ban all personal stereos and your mum hasn't forgiven you for the last one being stolen has she?"

"Grown ups are really difficult to fathom sometimes."

"What are you going to do, Gonch? It's ten to four already."

"I've got it! I'm going to steal it back myself! Come on Hollo. Let's get back to school."

"We can't do that. Hang on! Come back! Wait for me...!"

Now it's time to play Mr. Block meets the monochrome graphics, move your mass of blocks around the variety of boringly coloured, sparsely drawn screens, avoiding false teeth, puddles and dogs. Have fun trying to decipher what the drug pusher is saying to you, but remember kids, just say no. Hey, wait a minute, isn't this supposed to be Grange Hill? It can't be, not even good ol' M'tronic would release this, it's amazing, I just can't describe my disappointment.

I mean: Take the most popular children's TV series, turn it into a game with some quality and you're talking money, B-I-G M-O-N-E-Y. This is crap, plain and simple. Why, you would be better off buying a ticket to watch West Ham play at home! [Money well spent! - Dep. Ed]

Everything is rubbish concerning this game, right down to the music which, after a few minutes strained listening appears to be a rendition of the actual theme tune, even though it sounds nothing like it. Maybe it's me.

Mark Patterson

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