Dragging 2D side-scrolling shoot-'em-ups kicking and screaming into the 21st Century comes Gradius - or at least, that's the idea. In truth, it's a far from triumphant return. The reason? It does little but reproduce 16-bit gameplay on a machine that is destined to change the face of videogames forever. Whether you see this as a welcome return to core gaming values, or an agent of The Man shamelessly taking the piss, is up to you.

At least you get two games for your money - 1990 golden oldie Gradius III, and a conversion of Konami's 1999 coin-op, Gradius IV. When the series first burst into our homes in the Dark Ages of the NES, it soon captured a place in gamers' hearts. It was an arcade blaster that featured the tastiest weapons and the most frenetic shooting action imaginable. The plot was simple. You had to navigate a ship from one side of the galaxy to the other, picking off enemies that come at you in a constant stream. The further you got, the quicker, bigger in number and harder to kill the enemies became. To aid your attack you then had the option to collect every power-up imaginable, although if you took just one hit, that was it - game over and back to the start you went, with little more than a spudgun to take out your foe.

It was this difficulty level which caused many a kid to be locked in their bedroom for hours on end trying to discover the Achilles' heel of bosses and sub-bosses. This was no simple shoot-'em-up, it required practice.

Fifteen years on, however, our expectations are somewhat lighter. We will all admire the CG movie intro that graces the PS2 edition of Gradius, but to survive on a 128-bit machine, a game has got to do more than just have a pretty opening sequence. The game itself doesn't help matters. The first rule of a successful shoot-'em-up is that there has to be too much going on. It should have you living on the edge, corkscrewing and pirouetting between enemy craft with a heavy dose of luck, bravado and skill. Success should depend on split-second decisions and real seat-of-the-pants flying. Unfortunately, Gradius III & IV is sadly lacking in the thrill department.

See, 16-bit gameplay is all well and good, but you'd think that PS2 developers would at least correct faults rather than actually add to them. Gradius III & IV features dreadful slowdown that is painfully embarrassing - you'll feel like you are treading treacle when there are too many enemies on-screen. There is also some seriously dodgy collision detection, making for frustratingly difficult gameplay. Less patient gamers will probably want to break the disc rather than finish it. And when a voice camply croaking out "destroy them all" is one of the highlights of a game, you've really got to start worrying.

No matter how weak-kneed previous Gradius games may have got you, on the PS2 this is a tired and sloppy package. Yes, add-on weapons are available, and at times you can get yourself more accessorised than Ivana Trump. But rather than heightening any sense of tangible gameplay, they only serve to slow your progress down even further.

Gradius III & IV is one perverse release. Konami has the entire world salivating over Metal Gear Solid 2, and what game does it release in the meantime? Gradius. Us neither...

1. Easy to learn, and to pick up and play
2. Will no doubt attract lovers of the genre

1. Tedious and overly difficult gameplay
2. You may say the graphics have retro appeal. Or you might just think they're naff!

Graphics 20%
Doesn't test the PS2. Nice intro, though.

Sound 30%
Dolby Digital 5.1 bleeps and burps.

Gameplay 30%
Repetitive side-scrolling action.

Lifespan 20%
Few will bother to finish it.

Overall 20%
Fans of the series will probably enjoy this, but its numerous failings will ensure Gradius III & IV is of minority interest only. A waste of time, really.