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Play football as chubby midfield maestro Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne. Pick that one out of the lobster pot, goalie.

Personally, I don't like Liverpool Football Club, and I can never tell what, Kenny Dalglish is saying, apart from "och noo Jimmy", so it was no big deal that Kenny Dalglish Soccer Match was a right load of footballs. However, I admit to a certain admiration for chubby midfield maestro Paul Gascoigne, he of the toothy grin and Mars bar diet. There's a lad who could do great things for England, if only crusty old Robson would give the boy a decent chance.

These things said, I view Empire's attempt at producing Gazza's Super Soccer with a mixture of disappointment and, em, well, disappointment really. There's the usual one-off option and cup competition, and also the chance to set up a league. Quite innovatively this can consist of up to twenty teams drawn from all the divisions around the league, each with changeable shirt colours and players.

The players have limited statistics which affect their ability down on the pitch, and these can be juggled, just like the players' physical appearances. If you wanted to name your team as Brazil, you could change the shirt colour accordingly, and then make all the players coloured. Possibly the most bizarre option I've ever seen in a footy game, but still a girnmick for all that.

The presentation of the league tables, and all the text aspects of the game is a little sparse, obviously no great artist was working on this conversion.

And so to the pitch and the actual game itself. Could Gazza's Fatty Soccer compete with Emlyn Hughes International Soccer? Alas, no, the chubby youngster was seen off by the wily elder statesman.

There are two different perspectives to contend with, depending on whether you are in the middle of the pitch or the final third. In the middle area you get the traditional sideways-on-little-men-ambling-around-like-sheep view, but once into striking range the view shifts to behind the men looking up at the goal.

It makes placing one's shot easier and more accurate, claims Empire. It makes you start running sideways as soon as the view changes is what I say. Of course it's all a ruse so that the programmers don't have to scroll the pitch, which isn't easy on the CPC.

Dribbling with the ball is simple enough, but shooting and passing are certainly not. The Boot-o-Meter controls angle and wallop of ball booting, but unfortunately your player stops running while the Boot-o-Meter builds up to full pumping strength. Invariably this invites a tackle from the opposition and loss of possession.

Gazza's Super Soccer is a mild, inoffensive footy game, lacking outstanding features and suffering from slightly iffy game play. If Gazza's game was to play Emlyn Hughes's you'd get the impression that Gazza's could go all day and not score while Emlyn would cut through the defence and bag a hatful. In other words, forget it.