Now, look, G-LOC is really not a very good game. Hang on, that's being a bit diplomatic. Oh, what the hell, I'll just come out with it. It's crap. There is absolutely nothing good about it whatsoever. It's utter rubbish. Okay?

The graphics look like they were ported from some ancient 8-bit machine, and the sound - well, the sound isn't even as good as that. The box says that it delivers pulse-pounding excitement. More like pulse-pounding, hair-ripping apoplectic fury when you see what you've just spent £26 on. The whole point of G-LOC was the speed that made it playable in the arcades, not to mention the fact that the R360 made your stomach churn while you were playing it. Even with someone tilting my chair by hand, it just wasn't the same. Mind you, it did make my stomach churn. Well, that's only partly true. In truth, G-LOC just made me want to puke.

If you're still reading this, you may be under the impression that I can't stand this game, and you'd be right. How anyone can justify a £26 price tag is beyond me. £7.99 on a budget label would still be over the top, in fact I would feel ripped off if this was in the Prism £2.99 Pocket Power range that's been in the petrol stations and supermarkets over the last few months.

Hang on, I've got it. It's an initiation stunt by the rest of the lads. They've got a Spectrum emulator running on my Amiga and this is really a Speccy game. No? There's only one possible explanation then. G-LOC is rubbish.

If you're desperate to throw your money away then why not just send it to us? We promise we'd put it to really good use. Still, if you're absolutely deadly desperate to buy this game here's what you can expect. Possibly the worst Amiga graphics ever, terrible sound effects and gameplay that even your oldest granny would find slow, tedious and unbelievably repetitive. The only possible enjoyment you can get out of this game is trying to work out what the hell the pathetic speech is supposed to be, or what on Earth's actually going on most of the time.

This is possibly the most dismally-programmed, boring and unimpressive piece of software that I've ever seen. They say the game has 36 action-packed suicide missions. The '36' is fine, 'action-packed' is stretching the point to the limit and as for suicide, well, if you've bought this, we could understand how you might be considering it. But hey, they'd be silly. Just don't bother to buy G-LOC. Spend your money on a crate of cheap diet coke instead. Even that leaves a better aftertaste.

The worst piece of software I have ever come across in my life. If you still go out and buy this, then you need your head kicking, if we're being honest. Expensive, tacky, crap, rubbish. Are you starting to get the message yet?