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OK - so every magazine has probably used this joke, but it's just impossible to resist. So, here goes... G-Loc? "Loss of consciousness by G-Force," says the box. Er, "Loss of consciousness by boredom, more like". There, got it over with.

Right, things you won't want to know about this game...

1. The plot.
2. The make, specification and serial number of the on-board missiles.
3. What exactly G-Loc stands for. Oh - oops.
4. That the sound-effects are, invariably, rubbish.

Things you do want to know...

1. It's a 3D jet dogfight shoot-'em-up with no pretensions at being flight-simesque.
2. It can be controlled by either mouse or joystick.
3. It's extremely crap - it's so bad, in fact, that it's likely to make you very depressed.

You're flying deep into enemy territory, armed with a handy variety of mortal weaponry to fling at anything that floats or flies and, er, isn't you. There are options to lock on target and send one or two startlingly accurate missiles over and, when an allocated number of planes or boats have been toasted, it's on to the next, more difficult level of combat. In later levels, you have to fly ultra-low to engage enemy warplanes and gun-boats while trying to avoid a messy end on the cliff-faces.

This has to win some kind of award for anti-climax of the year. If you've encountered the arcade game - a superb sit-in console mounted on hydraulics which vibrate and wiggle you around according to the game action - prepare to be assailed by a heavy wave of confused disbelief. Just what the hell happened here, anyway?

Graphics look rushed, the screen display is sparse and dull, the gameplay is boring and repetitive and it all leaves you with the feeling that the licence was acquired, the project was begun and then something went drastically wrong - like they lost the master disks and had to knock up something for the deadline, whether it looked liked some substandard effort from a 3D shoot-'em-up construction kit or not. If you want to play a similar, infinitely superior game, get yourself an Atari Lynx and a copy of Blue Lightning.

Almost a complete waste of time. Do yourself a big favour - get doing the washing up, it's much more fun - and useful too.