You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis." It's easy for Brad Pitt to spout that sort of nonsense in Fight Club when he's one of the planet's most famous, wealthy and desired movie stars. Mind you, he's got a point. And we'll tell you something else you are not; you won't be Brad Pitt if you play this game.

The Dust Brothers' music and the film's logo might be in place, but there's nothing else to connect the game to the film. The character names are there, but it sure as hell doesn't look like them. 'Recognition' is not even the right word for the process of identifying people here - "badly educated guess" would be a better description. Any police sketch artist producing a likeness this ropey would soon find themselves making a living drawing tourists in Trafalgar square. And not a very good living at that.

Okay, so ignoring the unrecognisable faces and neatly sidestepping the issue of a cash-in game based on a film that dealt with the soulless void of meaningless consumerism, how does it actually play? Well, like the narrator's beloved Ikea furniture, it's solid, functional and does its job perfectly well. Unfortunately, like that same Swedish furniture, it's one of many from a bloated production line - examine anyone's game collection and you're sure to find something very similar.

The plot is briefer than a single frame of pornography spliced into Finding Nemo (and nowhere near as rewarding), with your unnamed pugilist looking for Tyler Durden. That's the whole plot, but it's never really explained why you're looking for him. Aside from that, every conversation, question or request to use the bathoom ends up in somebody, somewhere deciding on a fight to sort it out. It may be shallow, but it's enough to bring one character after another out for a pounding. Each location is also taken from the film, but - like the characters - it's not always immediately obvious which one. There's the house on Paper Street, the bar and the basement, but joining these are the restaurant where Tyler did unmentionable things to seafood, the airport (tenuous) and a whole host of other places that must have been in the film somewhere - possibly out of shot or in the distance. In each location, you'll be egged on by a selection of faceless minions that look more like they're trying to dance in formation, but just can't manage to keep time with each other.

Having chosen a fighter who's either a brawler, grappler or martial artist, you're assigned a button for each limb to dish out the pain and a block button to prevent it. (There's also a taunt button, but elaborating on it is just a waste of space.) The first few punches are satisfying enough, but after a couple of rounds, the lack of range soon becomes apparent.

The difference between styles is minimal and falls into the usual stereotypes of slow heavy hitters, fast weaklings and the middle ground compromise - each character has the same move set, with the odd variations depending on technique. There's no Tekken-style mastering of a single character's style to be found here. Most fights can be won by clocking until your opponent's finished, then flooring him with a quick combo. Do this enough - whittling your opponent's health to near zero - and a little warning indicator flashes, telling you that certain special moves can now be pulled off. Of these, probably the most effective is the limb breaker. It's actually painful to watch - even without the X-ray view of the bones breaking - and it reduces the number of your opponent's useful appendages by one, therefore making him a less effective fighter. But even this is a waasted opportunity, by only being accessible when your opponent is near defeat anyway.

The film may have had a unique, stylish story, strong characters and a distinct visual style, but the game unfortunately has none of these. Even a set of bitch-titties couldn't make this gaming version of Fight Club stand out in a crowd. It's not that there's anything really bad about the game. It's just that there's nothing realy good, either. It struggles to be average even by the standards of a beat-'em-up that would have been around when the film was originally released five years ogo. Watch the film, listen to the sountrack or develop split-personality syndrome. Any of which will be more fun than this...!

Graphics 60%
Does the job efficiently and inoffensively.

Sound 70%
Just for the Dust Brothers' soundtrack.

Gameplay 40%
Repetitive and distinctly underwhelming.

Lifespan 40%
About the same as watching the film!

Overall 50%
If the first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club, then that's fine by us. It's best for us all to pretend this never existed.