They've done it again - ruined the greatest game on earth!
FIFA Street 2 (Electronic Arts)
What's the friggin' point? Football is a near-perfect sport, and here it has been wrecked. It seems that making a sport 'street' involves stripping out everything that makes it a proper game then replacing it with stupid, pointless stunts. All you're left with here is a disorganised mess.
EA has packed in all-new crazier gameplay but FIFA Street 2 isn't far removed from the same dire experience as the original. You start off by creating your own player. As you'd expect from EA, you can tweak every aspect of your man's physique and outfit to suit your liking. Then you set off on the usual mission to out-trick footballers around the world and earn a name for yourself - a scenario that's overused in games nowadays.
In most cases, the tricks are more important than the goals themselves. Tricks are performed with the Trick Stick, otherwise known as the Right thumbstick. You pull it in any direction and your player will flick the ball about like he's in a Nike advert. It looks nice but there really is nothing more to it. Instead of somehow enhancing the excitement of football, they're the fundamental flaw of the game, because whenever a trick is activated, the defending player becomes completely paralysed.
When your opponent activates a nutmeg trick, you lose control of your player as he enters a long and frustrating 'I'm being fooled' animation. You can't anticipate the attack in its early stages and change direction or stick a foot in - nothing. You can only watch while your man just stands there as if Jamelia's just walked onto the pitch in her underpants. Then he stumbles to the floor like a complete twerp, leaving you screaming "GET UP, YOU KNOB" while your opponent strolls past easily.
We wouldn't mind if this kind of stunt was tough to execute, but it's as simple as shoving the "Trick Stick" in a single direction. This ease of use means that tricks - and in turn, the long stun animations - basically take over the whole game.
You'll spend half your time yanking the Trick Stick about and watching your player flail around like he's being attacked by killer ants, and the rest of the time watching your player stumble around uncontrollably like he's doing a dance.
Tackling is a real pain too - your opponent just needs to keep pulling stunts one after the other, with reasonable timing, and no defending player will get near them without getting stuck in a fit of consecutive paralysing animations. It's so awful it's almost funny - you're completely powerless. What the thousands of people who bought the first game liked about it is a mystery.
Nevertheless, it was popular, and so the sequel arrives with new gameplay aspects to make it even 'crazier'. Now when you charge up the power bar a circle of light appears on the pitch. Run the ball into this circle and you'll activate the new Trick Beat system. During the next few seconds, the game goes into slow motion. Anyone you fool with a trick during this time will become 'beat' and they have to sit down until your Trick Beat power wears off. Your shot power is also greatly amplified, meaning it's easy to score.
You can actually use the Trick Beat system to end the game instantly by getting a "KO". What? This isn't boxing. This is football. Not happy with getting rid of handballs, fouls, offsides and all the other aspects of the game, FIFA Street 2 actually ignores football's fundamental principle: score the most goals within a set time. Jesus. Players on the receiving end of this scandalous manoeuvre will feel robbed and cheated at their instant loss.
But not as robbed as you'll be if you part with 40 notes for this game. We warned you when the original game came out that it wasn't worth your cash, but did anyone listen? The game was snapped off the shelves faster than 'MC' Harvey could shout "Big up ma DJ". Now, instead of giving the sequel the quarter-page review it deserves, we've been forced by mass appeal to spread its shoddy action over two entire pages. But we will not be forced to like it. The gameplay is messy, imprecise, and flawed, and the control-robbing animations are the most frustrating ever. You won't have to put up with Harvey's ridiculous and stereotypical 'rude boy' phrases this time around - but that's the only improvement.
Good Points
Some of the tricks are pretty cool to watch, even if the appeal does wear off after a few plays.
A good mix of music tracks presented in a neat mix of broadcast-style radio stations, one of which is done by Zane Lowe.
Bad Points
The erratic and disorganised gameplay has hardly improved since the original FIFA Street.
Getting stuck in the same fall-about-the-place animations is more infuriating than the Crazy Frog ringtones.
With no rules, you'll even see players scoring goals by slapping the ball with their hands. Rubbish.