There's only one place to slam-dunk this...

We worship the pitch beneath the feet of PES, but our sporting knowledge doesn't end there. We're also partial to be a bit of basketry from NBA Ballers or some bone-crunching action in NFL Street. The rules might make less sense than a physics manual in Chinese, but we know an enjoyable sports game when we see one. Even so, with the best of intentions, playing this was like sleeping in a bed full of rocks: uncomfortable, irritating, and confusing in equal measures.

It's hard to settle in and enjoy yourself when the game seems to conspire to keep non basketball-savvy players constantly in the dark. We might not be basketball fans, but an aversion to spending your Sundays in a boat shouldn't stop you enjoying Sega Bass Fishing Duel - it's all about the gameplay, see? For example, the 24/7 mode from previous ESPN NBA games (a forerunner for the one-on-one focus of Ballers) has been extended slightly, offering more items to unlock and opponents to challenge. But where an hour into NBA Ballers saw us slam-ducking with our impressively detailed wannabe superstar, we hit a brick wall within 20 minutes of ESPN - our first match-up had been a disaster, prompting a bit of training.

By completing challenges you can pump up your baller's attributes and become a better player. Good idea. Or it would be if the whole experience wasn't so damn hostile. "Score consecutive up and unders in backdown" says the game to us. Say what? There's no explanation save this terse command (unlike the step-by-step instructions in Pro Evolution Soccer 4) leaving you with no real idea of what you should be doing.

Switch courts and get stuck into ESPN NBA 2K5's team games and there's not much improvement. There's not been a basketball game yet that accomplishes the sort of crunchy, physical tackling that's been the standard for years in PES, for instance. Instead, you hammer the 'steal' button while trying not to run past your opponent, or leap around in front of their face as they twist on the spot. It's frustratingly vague, and as a result there's very little enjoyable flow to a game. While you've got the ball it's sometimes absurdly easy to score, but when you're on the defence there seems almost nothing you can do to prevent the opposition from hitting the basket.

On the plus side there's a huge and impressive attention to detail here, including the option to give pep talks to the team, train individual players to improve their weak points and even hire a masseur. But without at least offering to walk you through the finer points of the game, none of this really works. Under the numbers and licences lies a rather boring, pretty ugly experience. Gamers and basketball fans alike deserve better.

Graphics 50%
NBA Ballers wipes the court with this.

Sound 60%
Good commentary, but that's not enough.

Gameplay 40%
A dizzy mix of frustration and simplicity.

Lifespan 60%
Career mode is endless but has little appeal.

Overall 50%
Licence-hungry hoop-dreamers may object but the ESPN label means nothing. This is unfriendly, unwelcoming and unagreeable.