Previous Next

I'm feeling very depressed. There was this game called Don't Panic so I thought; Wow! a game about how to get heavily into interstellar travel on less than 15 Altarian Dollars a day, drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and generally having a great time.

Silly Me!

What the game actually is, is one of your bog standard, everyday platforms-and-ladders shoot-'em-up games... and not a very inventive one at that.

The real aim of the game is to guide a Droid around a very contaminated multi-level loading bay (The Platforms) armed with only a decontamination laser, running up and down lift shafts (Ladders) and shooting little Teddy Bears whom are contaminated with a deadly toxin (probably derrived from the dregs of the programmers' coffee mugs). Once you have decontaminated (shot these poor little Teds) they get severe anaemia and turn white. You then add insult to injury by shoving them off the end of the platform into a waiting rocket ship which, when it has consumed enough Bears, converts them to rocket fuel and raises the ship a level.

Fortunately, all is not bad for the Teddy Bears and protection comes in the form of mutant toads which you can also shove off the end of the platform (at least thats what the leaflet says) and a one-legged hopping mutant thingy, which you can't. (Maybe it is the Ravenous Bug Blatter Beast of Traal come to say 'Hi!'). This beast quite rightfully eats you (you being biodegradable when smothered in ketchup) and stops you in your evil task. This it tends to do with great ease and the beast is, in my experience, totally undodgeable.

This brings the game to a premature and fairly regular end. There is one good thing about this game however. The price. This game is part of Telecom's el cheapo range and retails at half the price of most other games. [They make up for this loss on my 'phone bill - Ed]. In my opinion, you get roughly what you pay for.