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Wot a day, though! I'm well cheesed off. Straight out of chokey, and I come across this nice little caper being organised by that Sicilian mob - you know, spaghetti from Long Ditton, and all that. Well, I can't help being a nosey sod, can I, John?

I run into my old mate Tweedle up the dogs, and over a pint in 'is drinker (I thought the bleeder'd never show) 'e let slip abaht a certain delivery job. Funny enough, we bumped into each other again a bit later, over this crate of nails.

Great minds think alike, wot? So we got together a few of the lads, and it was all going like bleedin' clockwork, till this geezer in the shoes comes up from behind, and I'm being bundled into this car. 'Fore long they're slipping a couple of daisies on me plates. P'raps we're going up the building site, for a chat with old Bullet-proof, I thinks.

But p'raps not. It soon looks like our nice little earner will have to be put off for a bit. Forever, more like. Unless that's floating concrete they're working into me brand new footwear.

Course, if only I could live today over again, I'd do things much more cagey. I'd have that lot sussed by now, for sure. Wassat John? I can? This computer thing ain't real, you mean? Blimey! Stick me back in the nick again, and off we go. Awright?!

Dodgy Geezers was written by Lever and Jones, the comedy duo who brought us Hampstead and Terrormolinos. I prefer it to both of those, it's their best so far. It's full of Cockney humour, and so realistic, you can imagine it as one of those better black and white second feature films (those were the days, remember?) full of small-time East End crooks. It's also quite a difficult adventure.

After doing a stretch in jail for your part in the Long Ditton Spaghetti Caper, you are thrown into the East End of London, among some very unsavoury characters.

To start with, there seems to be nothing much around. You'll bump into Tweedle and Cracker, and probably not a lot will happen. But there are things going on, and if you keep a sharp lookout, and if you're in the right places at the right times, you'll learn a lot. By replaying the game in different ways a few times, the germ of an idea will come to you, and soon you will have a group of the lads around you, and a profitable little job lined up.

The graphics are not location driven. Examine the characters, and you'll get their police record - a full face and profile view, followed by a list of convictions. A right ugly bunch they are too! Other pictures appear when certain events occur.

The text is in the vernacular, and the spelling is as spoken. There's bits of rhyming slang too, which adds to the realism of the dialogue; the responses to invalid or unrecognised actions, "Not likely!" and "Wassat?" respectively, could have been a bit more helpful though.

The game was developed with The Quill, but the production version was re-programmed from this prototype, and has the advantage of having a tailor-made display format to suit the needs of the plot.

Even so, the game comes in two parts. Don't ask me about the second part - I'm still trying to stop the lunatic Cracker from blowing us all up with his jelly! Strewth! If he does it once more, I'm off up the Frog and Peach to get Brahmsed.