We like to think of OXM as one big happy family. We open our doors and welcome games into our arms without fear of prejudice or prejudgement.

No cynicism under our roof - just the love of quality games. But as all good families go, we can't help but have reservations about titles that come to our door harbouring reputations of previous misdemeanours. We'll still let them in, spend time with them and treat them in a fair and equal manner, but these black sheep nearly always let us down. We end up having to ask them to leave and if they won't go we get Gav to give them a hammering before getting chucked off the roof. All families have limits, and disappointing games test ours to the full.

So when Die Hard: Vendetta turned up at the gates of OXM towers, we dutifully invited it to spend some time with us. We knew it came out on the GameCube last year and we also knew that it was hard to find anyone who had a kind word to say about it. And after playing this game for longer than we wanted we understand their point of view.

But before we tell you why Die Hard: Vendetta is possibly the shoddiest FPS that's made its way to Xbox, we should at least give you the background info on this real piece of work. The story takes place years after the last Die Hard escapade. You play an ageing John McClane who now has a grown-up daughter following in daddy's footsteps as a police officer. John starts his day involved in a siege that results in a team of art thieves on the loose and ends up with his daughter getting kidnapped. The story unravels as you progress through levels, much of which is relayed to you via 'interaction' with the characters.

The interaction boils down to hopping between various characters while repeatedly pressing the action button in the vain hope they'll spit out wooden chunks of poorly lip-synched dialogue. You often need to sit through random character chit-chat until they give you an essential item (like a key - what a surprise) that makes sense of why you've been trudging around a bland map for the past half an hour. In one section you have to rescue a bunch of actors, but you need to engage each one in conversation before one finally offers up an item that helps you progress. And you need to do this every time you play through the stage.

But it's not just the scripts that suck. When it comes to the visuals, prepare for a step back in time. On the whole, the game looks like a retro PC shooter that's running on Xbox via an emulator. On the grounds of graphical presentation, Die Hard: Vendetta simply doesn't deserve to be on a next-gen console. Character models just look plain wrong - flat, almost two-dimensional with worse rag doll animation than your kid sister playing with her favourite cuddly toy. And the textures? Flatter than a dirty joke at a funeral. There's no AI to speak of - they spot you, they run at you, they duck and lean in the middle of open spaces... it's truly dire.

Each level is littered with civilians and if any catch a bullet that's it - game over. What this means is you'll need to repeatedly play through stages (including the inane dialogue) in the hope of shooting the idiotic villains before they drop the hammer on Joe Public. Vendetta even manages to take the fun out of the typical rolling style of shooters and makes it a stop/start exercise in frustration.

Then there's McClane himself. He must quite literally be the strong arm of the law, as he walks around maps with his arms outstretched like he's suffering from advanced rigor mortis. And, in the same undead fashion, his limbs look like they've been coated with embalming fluid - a nasty varnish effect that would look more appropriate on your dad's shed than the colouring of the lead character.

But the most frustrating element is that if you persist long enough you'll start to see brief glimpses of decency amongst the general mess. The grab technique is a nice touch and you do occasionally take part in puzzle scenarios that would be interesting if they weren't so damn obscure.

Because most of the scenic objects aren't interactive you don't spend your time trying to open desk drawers or lockers. So looking for a solution only to accidentally open a tool box offering you the vital generator key is actually more disconcerting than rewarding.

Die Hard: Vendetta has more holes in it than McClane's trademark white vest. It looks rubbish and doesn't play much better. Xbox owners are currently blessed with the best FPS games on the market and sadly this sure ain't one of them. Avoid it like it's the scene of a particularly nasty crime.

1. Some puzzles are head-scratchers

1. Dreadful graphics
2. Terrible dialogue
3. And OTT swearing
4. The game mechanics are frustrating
5. Amateurish AI

Power
Who replaced our Xbox with a less worthy console? Simply not up to scratch in any department.

Style
Wooden dialogue, complemented by more swearing than Bernard Manning on a roll.

Immersion
A few of the puzzles may just about keep you awake during the dull gunplay.

Lifespan
Every other Xbox first-person shooter is better, so why are you gonna stick around?

Summary
Ugly in presentation, execution and style with few redeeming features. Die Hard: Vendetta needs to be laid to rest.