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The computer game of the film of the comic strip has arrived. We all know the story of Dick Tracy, that debonaire fighter for truth, honesty and the Madonna way of life. So does the game live up to its big licence expectations?

Ermmmm, no, not even remotely. This is completely predictable pulp computer entertainment. Titus have gone for a (yawn, yawn) flip-screen beat-'em-up. There are only two sprites used to represent Dick walking, so he trots across the screen as if he's going the can-can backwards and at twice the ordinary speed. Legions of bad guys then appear, firing streams of little yellow dots - you either punch 'em or shoot back. Finally, there is a predictable horizontally-scrolling car chase. After that, it's back to more awful and jumpy shooting.

The graphics are awkwardly and simplistic animated. The screen update is very slow, and the combat wildly unrealistic: your pistol fires the same stream of little yellow dots as the enemies' machine guns, so you tend to shoot anything and everything that happens to be in the way at the time. The gameplay is bland and derivative - a fingerless three-toed sloth could play this. The soundtrack is as twee as the worst elevator music. In short, Dick Tracy is unmitigated crap.

If the future of film licences looks like this, then don't bother. Games which look like a child's first BASIC program shouldn't see the light of day. You'll have more fun seeing how many cocktail sticks you can fit up your right nostril. Avoid.