Crash Bandicoot is nine years old this Christmas. Nine years! Or in bandicoot years, 94. Which is ironic, considering we'd rather make out with a 94-year-old than play the red rat-thing's latest console offering.

It's not Crash's fault. Alright, it is - as game characters go Crash and his generic cartoon sidekicks are as charismatic and appealing as facial herpes. But it's also the game that's at fault here. Part platformer, part Mario Kart-style racer, it's a title that combines two underperforming halves into a not-that-convincing whole.

Despite boasting some gloriously inventive and beautiful racetracks, there's nowhere near the depth of control or skill to make this anything other than a five-minute novelty. Even the ability to 'clash' (fuse yourself with an opponent's kart to turn yourself into a kart/giant mobile gun-thing) fails to add anything approaching freshness. It's fast and colourful, but hardly sets your Xbox on fire.

Then there are the platform sections, the multi-tiered hubs that act as the links between each racecourse. Again, they look good, but that's as far as the good stuff gets. Not only is the camera stubbornly uncooperative, but the whole design of the platform-hopping sections is tired, predictable and full of the clichéd old Crash Bandicoot item-collecting challenges. Okay, so they're just linking sections as opposed to a full-blooded platform game, but where's the polish that was so liberally dumped all over Crash Twinsanity?

Fusing two genres into a single game might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but with neither part offering up anything particularly impressive you have to wonder why they bothered. It's more crash victim than Crash Bandicoot.

Part platformer, part karting game, neither of which are particularly appealing. It's time to put this Bandicoot to sleep.