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The Ed has made a (rare) error of judgement giving me this game to review. Little does he know that 'cute' games like this make we want to stick my head in a bucket. On top of that, it's a ye olde platforme game with a wacky little title tune - that's filled another bucket.

Anyway, to the story: Chubby Gristle is a pot-bellied big-nosed git sorry character who hops and skips his way round thirteen levels picking up food and other items. The object, it seems, is to get home to Mrs Gristle and create a lot of little replicas of CG. It says here that if you go into your house at the end of the levels, loads of little chubby sprogs come running out - sounds revolting.

This may sound like fun for those of you who never played games like Jet Set Willy or the Monty Mole series. But to old fogies like me, this is just one big yawn.

The graphics are much the same as their predecessors: brickwork walls and platforms, ropes, ladders, moving lifts and escalators. Each level occupies one screen, with its exit taking you off the screen and into the next one. You can go back to a level you've just left. The game should be mappable since the screens seem to connect with each other in a logical way.

The hazards are also pretty standard; annoying things you bump into or other things that dash around. In this case kids on scooters and hysterical mothers rushing around for their kids are major threats, as are birds, other flying objects, revolving fans, cogs, etc, which cost you one of your five lives if hit. Lose all five and, surprise, you're back to the beginning, and that annoying little tune. Give me the Eurovision Song Contest any day.

Falling also loses you a life, as does banging your head on a platform or a stalactite when you jump.

As for the objects to be picked up, the flashing ones are food. Pick these up and your weight on the Ton-o-Meter at the bottom of the screen increases. There are also non-flashing objects to be had, like shopping trolleys, money bags and various tools, which increase your points total.

Finding the exit to a level is pretty easy, but getting to it is another matter. On some levels, though, you can hop up a downward-moving elevator to reach another level. On level features a crocodile-infested waterway. To get through this lot, you must pick up the well-nigh inaccessible wellies. There's a pair of lava-proof bombs to be had too.

Each level is identified by a sentence that appears at the bottom of the screen. You get stuff like, 'Permit holders only', 'Trespassers will be sat on', 'You can't park here', etc. This is curious, you might say. It seems that the programmers based the game on a carpark attendant working outside their offices who used the same phrases. Now we know who to blame.

I can't say I liked this game. To its credit, it's put together very well, with reasonable graphics and good movement for the main character - but so were the dozen or so lookalikes that came before it. I just can't see the point in yet another return of the same. Groan.

The Amiga version of Chubby Gristle is unsurprisingly, identical to the C64, with one notable exception. It proves beyond doubt what we suspected. Chubby is based on C&VG's fat, Northern slob of an Ad Manager Gary Williams. Speech on various screens is based on a jobsworth parking attendant at Grandslam and declare "You can't park here" and "'Ave a work with commissioner." Sound effects include Chubby's rum and some horrendous burps. The appeal of this may only be limited to those of you with few Northern friends.