Previous Next

Despite its title, Ugh-Lympics is one of those games which manages to prove that the C64 is far from dead.

The title credit is an excellent mickey take of the Epyx sims. A little Twentieth century Olympian runs on to the screen carrying the Olympic flame, runs up the Olympic steps, lights the torch and then is crushed to death by a huge stone Ugh-Lympics logo, then a completely nutty caveman bounds on to the screen like he's got a hornets' nest in his knickers.

The first priority is selecting your very own pet Ugh-Lympian. Choose from the strongest, the most skilled, the weakest, and share in their sadness or their job as they catapult a tribal mate off the edge of a cliff.

Mate Tossing is the first event and, as the title suggests, it's your woman that gets thrown in this precursor of hammer throwing. By rotating the joystick anti-clockwise the caveman gradually starts to move. Accelerating the motion speeds him up and as soon as the cartoon-like speed lines start appearing, release the button to send your partner sailing through the air.

After she has landed, she gives you a visual confirmation on how well you've done, thumbs up for good, a shoulder shrug for average, and a thumbs down for bad.

Next follows Dino Racing. Two dinos, with riders, take their positions at the top and bottom of the split screen display. Spur the dino on by tapping the joystick right, or for turbocharged performance club it over the head. Then it runs on automatic avoiding all the obstacles itself. The turbo only lasts for a short time, but can be repeated with the risk of exhausting the poor beastie which will leave it floundering on the ground.

Of all the events, Clubbing has to be the funniest. Set on the edge of a large pinnacle of rock, the two cavemen have to battle for all they are worth. Before the combat, each caveman has to try to wind the opponent up as much as possible, the effect being produced by the player(s) with the joystick standing on a chair and then waggling for all they're worth, so that the human side produces an accurate representation of the cavemen in the game, leaving them suitably knackered for the combat. The aggressive moves are a club over the head, a smack in the mouth and a knee jab. The head clubs are great, your caveman holds a mid-air position briefly then with a quick tug on the stick brings his club crashing down on the opponent's skull, rendering the victim helpless whilst a display of stars floats above his head. The animation sequences in this event are excellent.

Three other events, the Dino Vault, Fire Making and the Sabre Race make up the rest of the events. Fire Making is the only real bad apple (pretty tedious sticks together). Otherwise, I can't find any real faults aside from the multi-loading, but that occurs in most sports sims.

The graphics really need to be observed during the demo mode to be best appreciated rather than trying to catch a glance at your opponent's antics in mid-play. They really are of cartoon quality, with excellent effects aside from great definition. It made me laugh, which is more than I can say for most other so-called cartoon-quality games.

If you have a C64 I'll have to recommend this, if you've only got an Amiga, well you'll just have to be envious of us old 8-bitters.