Carmen Sandiego: The Secret Of The Stolen Drums. Sounds compelling, doesn't it? Really rolls off the tongue. Don't worry, there's little chance you'll have to regurgitate the name to a bewildered shop assistant so trying to memorise the title isn't worth the effort.

Carmen is a famous thief, hunted by the Acme corporation, a bunch of do-gooders intent on stopping her pilfery. The series has been around since 1983 and acts as part-story, part-GCSE tutorial. Each area you track Carmen to comes with a mini history lesson and fact fact, so you learn while you play. It's like Barney, only in a red trench coat. Sadly, it's excruciatingly dull (albeit sporadically amusing). "African tribes use plants, roots, and minerals to dye their materials. Now smash some robots!” Class. Don't expect anything more than hopping from blocks, collecting artefacts, bashing polygons and, somewhere along the line, assimilating the fact that 3,800,000 people live in New Zealand.

The controls are so-so, the camera is too, but there's so little invention or love applied to the level design you'll be headbutting the screen in frustration. Peru was populated by humans as early as 12,000BC. See, the facts just sink in. Every level follows an achingly familiar pattern to the one that preceded it, so, by the end of the first marathon, you've got a further nine to look forward to. Graphically we're talking last-gen enough to feel at home on a Nokia, so it's not as if lush visuals will keep you going either. The Incas never used wheeled transport.

The only glimmer of ingenuity comes with the use of your staff. It's a weapon, and it can be used to walk tightropes, and pole vault across areas or into fragile walls to break them. But this is no compensation for the trudging headache of gameplay. Really, gaming and education should never been combined so sincerely without the essential use of humour (Broken Sword - stand up and take a bow) because it ends up smelling like this.

Power
Could probably be powered using a hamster wheel and a length of Kettle flex. Xbox snores through it...

Style
It faithfully recreates cultures it's trying to educate you about but beyond that there's very litle style.

Immersion
Do you rub your hands together at the thought of double history straight after lunch? Precisely!

Lifespan
Too long, especially when there are so many tedious lessons and tasks to fulfl in order to progress.

Summary
If this were a colour, it'd be grey. It's limp, it's uninspired, and it is near the bottom of it's league in terms of playability.

1. You can learn as you play
2. Loads of global destinations
3. It's simple

1. Far too dull
2. Very last-gen
3. Ugly as muck