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Now here's a thing. I'm prepared to bet anyone 2p that Turrican is a harder robot than RoboCop. They're both rough, tough and covered in metal, but Turrican is the only one brave enough to go to a foreign planet and try to kill all the creatures there.

It's a big, big sideways scroller, with the emphasis on, er, scrolling. You have a powerful laser, a special jumping thruster and the ability to use any even more powerful weapons you find. So off exploring you must go (although you could load up the game and watch the telly instead, or something like that).

There are hundreds of aliens on the planet (and even more inside it) so the plan is to find a cave entrance to get you inside the bowels of the world, then massacre everyone you find. Any gold teeth or expensive spectacle frames you pick up afterwards are a bonus.

The classic arcade-style action is as tough as it is difficult. It's massive too. Buy this and all your pals will say, "He's got a copy of Turrican," behind your back. And at 3.99, you can afford a smirk or two.

It's got more platforms than Gary Glitter and more aliens than Johnny Morris. And it's fast, furious fun. Just make sure that your joystick is up to the challenge (you know how awful it would be to have to buy a new one!).